iTunes carries David Sedaris audio files

"Boys who spent their weekends making banana-nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat."

If I were terminally ill and there were a Make a Wish Foundation for adults, I would wish for the Sedaris family, David and Amy whoever else we can cajole into participating, to adopt me until I weakly, happily succumbed to my horrible disease, a moribund, honorary Sedaris.