mocking the defenseless

One of my guilty early morning pleasures is reading the sniping from the heartless bitches (a.k.a. fashion police, a.k.a. champions of a strange new modesty that has taken over Hollywood "culture") over at Go Fug Yourself.

But alas, since they have not updated their site since I last checked five hours ago, I direct you to my favorite post, a faux letter from Britney:

I have A LOT GOING ON. I am fighting the false tabloids and I am trying to help Kevin make an album although HE IS NO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and I am NOT just talking about SINGING but you didn’t hear that from me. I am ALSO trying to create a warm and loving womb for my fetus, like I read in some book about babies and stuff, and I am ALSO trying to quit Red Bull because it’s bad for the baby AND I caught Kevin stealing money from my purse the other day and I am beginning to regret even marrying him because for one thing LOOK AT HIS PANTS.

Once upon a time, I won an award in humor writing, and with my exceedingly limited expertise, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that these bitches have real talent. Bitches.