how comedians pay the bills (in good weeks)

Today I had the best job I've ever had. My previous best job ever was back when I was art modeling, I had this artist who wanted to draw sleeping girls, so I got paid $15 an hour to nap (without moving).

Today I was supposed to be in a focus group about perfume -- $100 for two hours. I arrived a few minutes late and was afraid I wouldn't be let in and wouldn't get paid. It turns out, though, that the focus group needed exactly eight people, so they booked ten just to make sure they'd get the requisite eight. I was number nine (number ten never showed), so they told me I wasn't needed, but I was still getting paid, and that I'd need to wait around for half an hour or so for them to get the money worked out.

I sat in the waiting room, read the new New Yorker, had a cup of coffee, went to the ladies room and brushed my hair in a leisurely fashion, and eventually collected a $100 bill.

If only one could make a career of this sort of thing.

Perfume! It's ... awesome.

Incidentally, I was at a comedy open mic the other day, lugging around some work materials, and the surprised emcee asked me if I taught SAT classes, which I do. He said it was a surprising discovery "after seeing your website." Hmmn.

By the way -- if you're rich and have a tanned, polo-shirt-wearing, half-retarded kid, I can still get them into college. And you can buy me a pony.

No, really.