Lesbia the Fiery

Back in college, I was a lesbian for about a year (it just didn't stick). Anyway, one day I was having some trouble with women, and my friend-from-high-school Maureen wrote me a fairy tale to cheer me up. I found it on my hard drive recently, and decided to share it with you:

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Jen who was the kickboxing champion of her kingdom. Thus she became princess. She bested all the other Amazons of Jen-land, and became raised above them as supreme and benevolent dictator, and scantily clad serving girls served her vegetarian cooking and helped her practice her kickboxing.

That is, until the horrible day that all of Jen-land remembers in infamy. Seeing Princess Jen's amazing boxing skill, her scantily clad serving girls, and kick ass haircut, the evil and pathetic wizard, Jean Claude Van Damme, became insanely jealous. Still, he knew he could not beat Jen in any honest way, as she could kick his effeminate ass from here to Kalamazoo.

So, he lamented (in a dorky Dutch accent) to his trusted and equally lame sidekick, Squelch the Banana Slug...click to read more...

Incidentally, Maureen is now a rather well-regarded poet. She is selling a beautiful little chapbook on her site for just $3.