self-publishing interlude of the day

I've had some requests to post the "Jew fetish" story, but if I do, I'll never be able to get it published.

So, in lieu of posting my piece from the Bad Sex/Bad Dates reading, I'm publishing a piece from the reading before that, which was all flash fiction.

I read this and three other pieces (including Milk, which you can listen to instead of read) at Cornelia St. Cafe last month.

INSTANT LIFE

I went to the store and bought for seven dollars and fifty cents a little tank and some packets and a book of instructions that said “Grow Live Sea Monkeys!” Just add water and you get life! So I put life in my handbag and headed home, hoping life wouldn’t get bruised on the trip.

On my kitchen table, I opened up all the parts of life and set them out before me. Life was made up of: 1 Micro-Vue Ocean Zoo Aquarium, 1 packet No. 1 “Water Purifier,” 1 packet No. 2 “Instant Life,” and 1 packet No. 3 “Sea Monkey Growth Food.” Just add 12 ounces of water and life was mine.

So I followed the instructions for life. I filled the tank, purified the water, and added “Instant Life.” It was brown and looked like dust. For three days, I hovered over the kitchen table waiting to see life, sort of daring life, mostly not expecting it to appear.

When the three days were up, some little specks started to dance around. That continued for some time. I persisted in feeding life and keeping it in a warm, sunlit place.

After a few weeks, the specks started to mate. What progress! They had gone from swimming around the tank to swimming around the tank stuck together.

Well, I’m glad I’m not a sea monkey, I said. They’re boring. I’m bored. I’m so bored I’m going to make myself a sandwich and go to bed. When I got into bed, my boyfriend rolled over and said “How’s life?” Boring, I said. We mated. Then I went into the bathroom because I was thirsty. I drank a 12 ounce glass of water and went back to bed.