open letter to the guy on 9th Avenue in midtown yesterday evening who felt the need to open his car door in the middle of traffic

Dear asshole fratboy on 9th Avenue in midtown yesterday who felt the need to open his car door in the middle of traffic,

That guy on the bike who you hit? That was my cowboy.

You are an asshole who clearly felt that your need to get out of your cab before the next stoplight was so incredibly pressing that you'd just endanger an entire block full of moving traffic. You know how drivers have rearview mirrors and passengers don't? There's a reason.

You know how you hung around until the ambulance came and then took off before the police could get your information? Good job avoiding responsibility!

Enjoy feeling bad for the rest of your life!

If there is such a thing as karma and reincarnation, perhaps you will come back next time as a disembodied asshole, hopping around on the pavement, avoiding getting stepped on, waiting for the next life in which you might be lucky enough to come back as the whole ass.

Sincerely,
Jen

Everybody else: Sorry for being behind on my email, but go ahead and keep sending it. The cowboy has a broken collarbone and will recover. Does anyone know where I can get a sexy nurse costume?