CNN loves cute animals, hates actual world news

Today, I was apprised by a reliable source that elections are occurring in Afghanistan this weekend. I figured I'd pop on over to CNN.com and see what they had to say about it. Silly me, I think I was raised in a household in which CNN was considered a Serious News Source. Top headlines in "World News" right now:


So, let me get this straight ... we are running a major news story about DOLPHINS that need to be RESCUED from the SEA.

Do they also run stories about birds that were tragically released into the air? "They're just out there, flying somewhere.... we must find them!"

Why is this story even in the "world" news section to begin with? Because the dolphins escaped into the Gulf of Mexico, which is a body of water with another country's name in its name? Brilliant!

Also, Zimbabwe and China are "boosting ties" with a tiger swap. This means visitors to zoos in both nations will see slightly differently-striped tigers than before. Also, China and Zimbabwe had better boost those ties -- I don't want to see any fighting between you two. You just settle down.