stay away from this man's calamari
On November 4th, 2004, I blogged about a very special variety show act I had seen at Schaffer the Darklord's show:
We were also treated to a performance by Dr. Powernozzle and Eugene the Human Doormat... During their act, Dr. Powernozzle vacuums, steps on, and verbally abuses Eugene, the human doormat, and this is indeed funny, except that Eugene is a creepy middle-aged man who repeatedly informed me that I, too, could vacuum and step on him should I choose.... there's absolutely no way I'm stepping on someone's face without getting paid a whole freaking lot of money.Shortly after this performance, Dr. Powernozzle (a.k.a, "Crazy A," female singer/comic) and Eugene stopped working together, and Eugene went on to look for women to "perform" with him. A year later, Crazy A sends me this from the New York Post:
LEWD AWAKENING FOR VACUUM GUYAnd he told me it was all an act!
A former Electrolux salesman and performer who invites the audience to vacuum him onstage has been charged with making more than 400 lewd calls to a Queens hotel.
Eugene Calamari Jr., 47, of Woodside, allegedly called the Ramada Inn in Bayside 30 times a day between last Dec. 28 and Jan. 12, asking the receptionist to perform sexual favors for him with a vacuum and her long hair.
posted by JenIsFamous at 11/06/2005 12:37:00 PM
12 Comments:
This dude gets around. He's been lobbying the Writers Guild to let him be the human doormat on a picket line they're running. The doormat would represent the union, in his mind, which, of course, is not an image the union wishes to project.
I hear that his voicemail messages are pretty funny, in a pathetic kinda way.
I've known Eugene for maybe seven years, belonging to a support group he's in, and I have always thought him to be a very decent person, as I still do. I do not know him really well, what he's into, except I know about the doormat act. To what extent he's really getting a rouse out of it, I don't know, but I would think he'd have to feel something! I say as long as he really is not going too far with it, whereby it gets "out of hand" sexually? Nothing wrong! I am not all that different from him in some ways, so I understand. You have to put the brakes on when you know you need to, and avoid crossing "that line" whereby you might be considered a pervert or not. He is a great actor, could be used in certain movie/play scenes, I know, and he's in fact been in one or two movies as an extra. So, I think the man, like Michael Jackson, should not be adversely judged for a somewhat bizarre preference in life. I think most people fit into this category in one way or other, not what he's into to much, but considered just as bizarre by people. So, that is it. He's a great person, very sensitive to human situations, himself, others, etc. It is to his credit, but oftentimes people like him are misjudged and easily hurt, perhaps even getting into trouble when it's totally unfounded.
Eugene is a civic minded working person who openly supports unions. Perhaps things like unions and medical benefits are unpopular with yuppie "artists" who don't work for a living and get monthly checks from mom and dad.
As for the ALLEGATIONS that were printed in the NY Post? The writer saw a good story. Eugene's act is wacky, his act is bizarre, but folks hey, that's show biz!
In this country you are innocent until proven guilty.
Unless of course you are a poor working class person who can't afford an expensive team of Lawyers.
As for "Crazy A" that should say it all! She is no saint.
She wanted to steal their act for her own financial gain. "Crazy A" started the whole shebang.
By the way, Euguene is a member in good standing of SAG, Screen Actor's Guild, and is available for work. He is a polished and professional performer.
I've worked with this guy. Long hours and stressful conditions with demanding directors. Outdoors, in the winter in snow, rain and sleet. On burning hot concrete during NYC summers.
He is a professional in every sense of the word. He is no stranger to a commercial or a movie set.
Eugene Calamari is not a pretty face, he is not a movie star and definately not a prima donna. He gets there on time and no whining from him.
This was his mother's dream for him. She passed away before she could see him again in a major motion picture or a commercial.
At the end of the day Eugene Calamari is working actor who pays his taxes. And his union dues are paid in full.
The campaign of disinformation promoted by the last three writers above smack of an orchestrated campaign to somehow launder Mr. Calamari Jr.’s past and present – a public relations goal worthy of the handlers of Pee Wee Herman (this is not to equate Eugene’s talent level with Mr. Herman’s). So let me ask Anon writer #2 – while the great extra performer Calamari has stood in those crowd scenes – has he witnessed Calamari approaching his fellow women actors with photos depicting him under a section of shag with the idea of coercing them into being included in his “act?” Have you experienced the overwhelming joy of Mr. Calamari at performances of said act at functions where, after the creative triumph of laying under said shag, doing nothing – not uttering a sound, not contributing to any comic premise other than remaining motionless and drawing breath? And has he/she endured the destruction of any positive feeling in those who experienced said act after Mr. Calamari would reach for photos describing his uncontrolled panty hose fetish, and his desire to incorporate the unlucky female audience member into that fetish?
In fact, just what, or rather, who, are we discussing here? Mr. Calamari Jr. for all of his burning societal awareness and union membership – is just another out-of-work actor. “This was his mother's dream for him” wrote Mother Hood. “She passed away before she could see him again in a major motion picture or a commercial.” Hmmm, for her to see him Again she would have had to have seen him in one initially. Please edify us with Mr. Calamari’s past film or tv acting credits – serious or advert?! I’m not aware of any before his current legal hassles, and if there had been any in the year since they comenced they would be tributes to his response to the present adversity. Oh, and any reference to paid SAG union dues leaves out the probability that they were paid by a lineage from his dearly departed mother.
To be frank, all three respondents are either members of Calamari Jr.’s huge extended family or, more likely, belong to the first Anonymous’s “support group.” That would be “Arts Anonymous,” which would be better identified with the title “Shitlessly Scared, Talentless, and Clueless Performers.” They may also be creditors of Mr. Calamari hoping against hope that someday someway he will surpass his polluted reputation and get gainful acting employment that would allow him to repay those debts. They wouldn’t be concerned 12-steppers in his life because if they were, they wouldn’t all be trying to minimize, alter or deny what’s going on here. They would have truly helped him when they had the chance and not come to this blog to shill for him afterwards.
To the supposed Ron Gardenhire, This arrest of me is a Coverup of what really is going on!!!!!
You are not who you say you are!!!!! You are either Rudy Kisley or Anne Biondich!!!!! OR YOU MIGHT BE THE ASSHOLE/SCUMBAG COPS WHO ARE TRYING TO SET ME UP!!! IF YOU ARE SHAME ON YOU!!!! Ron Gardenhire was or is still involved in pro sports as in Baseball! So you have some nerve saying where these people come from!!! You are a COWARD and a BULLY!! This blog I write is in self-defense of what happened to me!!! This arrest happened in Jan on my birthday of all days. The asshole cop coerced me, never read me my rights until after he questioned me!!!! He said to me that he will put me "through the system" if I didnt tell him what he wanted to hear!!! I said, "you're trying to coerce me." He never let me make a phone call to my sister and even to call a Lawyer which my sister could have gotten one for me even if it was temporary!!!! The asshole cop and his partner lied in court at a hearing!!!! That is Perjury!!!! I am an Innocent Man!!!!! Its real strange Anne Biondich had first put this "Jenn is Famous" (NOT REALLY FAMOUS BUT INFAMOUS) website down as "who the hell is she", "Oh, don't mind her she's just a dominatrix", no she writes a blog or sends the POST article to Jenn so what are they allies now?? JENN, YOU SAY I'M A CREEPY MIDDLE AGED MAN, WHAT WOULD MAKE ME NOT CREEPY TO YOU? YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW ME! AS A MATTER OF FACT ANNE DOESNT REALLY KNOW ME EITHER AND NEITHER DOES RUDY. Anne Biondich just wants to steal my performance art away from me!!! I am the person that asked Anne to be my partner back in 1996 after I got written up in the Wall Street Journal. I met her in the SUNMOUNTAIN CAFE(NOW THE BAGGOT INN) WHEN I SAW MY FRIEND ELENA PERFORM! I started this back in 1986/87. It started with my photography!!! I had photos taken of me with my camera and film in stores and with artist friends of mine! I gave the name of Dr.Powernozzle to Anne when we practiced at my small room I had in Woodside. The name does not belong to her even thogh she might have a Supposedly an informational website that we broke up. The idea came from me not Anne as Dr. Powernozzle!!! I looked around my room while we were together and told her I wanted her to play a doctor of sorts, a therapist thats when I saw my powernozzle from my vacuum and gave her the name of Dr.powernozzle, she then gave me a little hit on the arm as "thats a great Idea". Down the road a bit we made a PROMOTIONAL Video together by a Videographer named Michael, and whose credit was on the video was Michael and Anne's! MYSELF AND A WOMAN NAMED JEZIBELL (A FRIEND OF MINE)were not on the Credits! I saw that and questioned that and we had to make the copies over!!! A FIRST SIGN OF AN APPARENT TAKEOVER!!!! THE LAST SIGNS WERE APPARENT TO ME DURING THE LAST TIMES WE WORKED TOGETHER!! WHEN WE BROKE UP, I told her I don't want her in my Act, She said that she was going to get herself another human doormat!! YEAH RIGHT!!! She'll get one from an S&M CLUB!!!! I am a Professional Actor and Entertainer NOT ANNE!!! THE "MILLIONIARE PARTY" WE DID she wanted total control over everything! I tried to see if both of us could be paid for this GIG we did but she said no thats my client!!! HELLO!!! IS IT NOT OUR CLIENT IF SHE(OWNER) WANTS BOTH OF US?????? THE word COERSION is to tell someone in a threat "you do this or else" I did nothing of the sort when I performed at any venue with or without Anne involved!!! I always asked women and men. Yes, I started out asking only Women then Men wanted to Vacuum me as well so I decided why not!!! When Anne Asked the audience she never went into the audience Like I did, and when I did, I ASKED and if I was turned down by someone; I went on to someone else. I ve been accused of being aggressive thats not agressiveness at all!!! Assertiveness is the correct word to get AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!!!! Anne wants to put the blame on me and take all the credit away from me as well... HER MODUS OPERANDUS!!! The reason I went to the Police before her, was threats that she made to me! I have the tape recordings which will be handed over to my ATTORNEY I will be going to trial to prove my innocence and I look forward to it!!! The Arrest was just a diversion for what is really happening!!! I am not Dead, But Alive and Well!!! I WILL NOT LET YOU WIN OVER ME!!!!! My mother paid for my Dues and Initiation to SAG for the first year and I am a PROUD AND HUMBLED MEMBER OF THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD WITH MY CURRENT DUES KEPT UP!!! In 2001, I did one Principal Commercial that got me "SAG ELIGIBLE" then I did another SAG commercial as a Background Actor, I had to join SAG in order to get other SAG work!!! TO this Day I have been in some films as a background actor and I am up for a part in a Major Hollywood Film, SO I AM A PROFESSIONAL, ANNE IS NOT!!!! BTW, If I did not have my sister Eleanor intervene to get a "OR SCRUBS" and other things from Rudy and Anne, (They live together),I would have been FUCKED OVER!! A REMINDER TO ANNE and anyone else involved with her to try to steal my PERFORMANCE ART AWAY FORM ME WILL BE SUED and for all the troubles I had to go through last year and this year I will be suing the PERPERTRATORS!!!!! So now they are trying to fuck me over again and they will get Nothing,Zilch,Nada,Zero, and I will see you in court as well as the asshole cops and my supposed accuser!!!! I will see my accuser(s)in court and I will Prevail as the winner!!! Anne has been influenced by others opinions!!!! I am a HUMAN BEING AND AN ARTIST WHO HAPPENS TO PERFORM AS A HUMAN DOORMAT!!!! I was never her "favorite human doormat" never really a friend to begin with. Her ex-husband Gary warned me "that she could bamboozle me". Who else is she going to bamboozle, you could be next? IT COULD BE RALPH, RUDY, BOB, etc!!! She is a Canadian looking to get in to the USA by doing illegal things. I hope she winds up in JAIL IN THIS COUNTRY AND THEN AFTER HER TIME IN JAIL SHE WILL BE BOOTED OUT FOR GOOD!!!!! IF ANNE OR ANYONE ELSE STEALS MY ACT AWAY FROM ME YOU WILL BE CURSED TIL THE END OF TIME!!!
Shaun, I was there out on LONG ISLAND with the Writers Guild of America East to protest what Mitch Kriegman was doing to his own Members of WGAE, He wanted to give the members a 66% paycut and he was using the WGAE as doormats and I would have gladly used myself in a press op to say that the Writers Guild should not be used as DOORMATS by anyone let alone by their own Members. I just hope to GOD that things are settled. I asked about doing my act first for them, knowing I would most likely get turned down. I did not take it personally. This was a way to help WGAE in a creative way for I am an ARTIST!!!
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WROTE IN FOR ME THANK FOR STICKING UP FOR ME!!!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
AS FOR THE COMMENTS MADE ABOVE FROM ANYONE AND MYSELF AS WELL AS FUTURE COMMENTS: I DO BELIEVE IN THE FIRST AMMENDMENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH, PRESS AND RELIGION!!!!
Well, whoever I am, I succeeded in smoking you out, Eugene Calamari Jr.! It’s amazing to me that such a marginal human being such as you has internet access, and on a national holiday yet!!! Guess what, Eugene! This is the internet, where the text of those New York Post and Queens Tribune reports will live on very far into the future of your non-career. I’ve even tried searching back into the pre-internet period circa 1981. If what I’ve heard is true, 2005 wasn’t your first experience with those nasty police.
Guess what else, Eugene! A cop CAN question you without “reading you your rights.” Once you are charged with a crime, then is when you’ll hear that you have the right to remain silent. And boy, don’t we wish you’d exercise that right occasionally! Nobody wants to hear about your SAG status, nobody wants to know that you’ll be on the set on time. They only know that you had charges against you because you called some poor woman 400 times with your cellphone. Ah the over-minutes bill you must have had that month!! Even that cop didn’t want to “drag your ass through the system” but I’m sure glad he did. Just because you are mildly addle-brained everybody seems to feel the need to caretake you. Well, if you are gonna wave your finger and threaten everybody with the police, turn about is fair play! You want revenge against everyone who has wronged you? Don’t forget the guy in the mirror!
And you know what else? Modern computerized telephone systems have the capacity to record the caller-id information of those calls you allegedly made to that Ramada. In other words, those police probably have evidence of your calls! Then there’s your own cell bill. Doesn’t look good, E!
Seeing as how you probably don’t have monies for legal representation, are you letting your sister the lawyer do the work for you (what’s the deal – is she commuting from the west coast to defend you, or has she bartered another lawyer to aid you)? Anyway, we wish you’d take her advice. Like O.J. had his non-fitting glove, you are going to need a strong defense. May I suggest the “busted cellphone defense”. “That darned phone just kept redialing and redialing that poor woman at the Ramada” you’ll tearfully say. On second thought, if you have recordings of other calls that defense is not gonna fly. You can’t claim an inability to operate a phone, now can you?
When you write about Anne and Rudy and Bob and all the cops, you’re trying to draw attention away from yourself! They presently don’t have any charges against them, do they! BTW, have you noticed that if you google “HUMAN DOORMAT” you’ll find quite a number of male submissives using that name? Are you gonna sue all of them, too? This baloney of portraying yourself as a “performance artist” might read well on you card, but the basis in truth for it is flimsy at best. Did protecting your act with a copyright work out for you? (Be sure and reply with the non-existent reference and date of copyrighting so we can all have another laugh at your expense!)
Admit it! You do the act so as that you won’t need to pay to be dominated. What is it about you middle-aged catholics, anyway! You probably don’t mean the cops are harassing you; you mean that woman you were allegedly harassing is gunning for you. Face it, practically every woman you ever knew is lined up with giant paddles out to get ya, Eugene. And I hope the female casting director on that “Hollywood movie” you’ll never do is first on the line!
I saw one of Eugene’s performances a couple of years ago. How does he dare say that he is a professional actor?? All he does is lay down on the ground and gets vacuumed. If you ask me, I believe that he would have greater success in an S&M club! Even then you would have to question whether his act qualifies as art or is just mere self-gratification!
Hey Rube aka Rudy Kisely,
HE JUST CANT SEEM TO GET HIS OWN NAME STRAIGHT NEITHER CAN THE LAST ANONYMOUS (ANNE BIONDICH) AFTER THE SO CALLED RUBE AND RON! WHAT A DOWN RIGHT HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLES AND SCUMBAGS YOU BOTH ARE!!! YOU ARE ALSO TRYING TO PROVOKE ME!!! WELL, I WILL JUST NOT GET INTO IT WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ASSUME TOOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!ASS U ME SO GO AHEAD AND ASSUME BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY ARE MAKING ASSHOLES OUT OF YOUR SELVES AND ONLY YOUR SELVES!!! AS FOR THE HUMAN DOORMATS MOST OF THEM JUST LIE THERE BUT I WAS PLANNING AND TRYING TO MAKE THIS MORE THAN JUST ANNE AND I! BUT YOU SEE ANNE HAS JEALOUSY ISSUES TOO WHILE YOU RUDY HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES ! YOU SHOULD SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! AS FOR ME I AM A PROFESSIONAL BECAUSE IM IN SAG AND BEING PAID FOR THE RIGHT WORK!!! JEALOUSY ENVY FEAR GETS YOU NOWHERE!!! AS FOR ME I WILL GO ON LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!! STRANGE HOW YOU CAME TO MY MOTHER'S WAKE AND FUNERAL AND ANNE CAME TO A MEMORIAL MASS FOR MY MOTHER YOU BOTH SHOULD NOT EVEN HAVE BEEN THERE!!!! ARE YOU INTO KNOCKING DOWN CATHOLICS RUDY, WHEN YOU ARE ONE YOURSELVE AND SO IS ANNE? OH EXCUSE ME, YOU BOTH ARE REALLY NOT PRACTICING CATHOLICS!!! HOWEVER, I KNOW I'M NOT HOLIER THAN ANYONE BECAUSE IM HUMAN BUT ARE YOU A HUMAN, TALK ABOUT LOOKING IN THE MIRROR LOOK AT YOUR INIQUITIES BEFORE YOU LOOK AT MINE!!! MY INNOCENCE WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF I WAS LOOKING FOR WORK WHEN THESE CALLS SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENED! NOW WHY WOULD I MAKE CALLS TO HARASS SOMEONE WHEN I WAS LAID OFF AND GOING OUT TO LOOK FOR WORK!!! AND I FINALLY GOT A JOB WITH A LOCAL UNION PUTTING OUT FLYERS (PICKETING A STORE IN MY OLD NEIGHBORHOOD) THE ASSHOLE COP SAID I WAS PUTTING OUT FLYERS FOR MY PERFORMANCE ART WHICH WAS WRONG,WRONG,WRONG!!!!! HE IS A STUPID MORON AND SO IS HIS PARTNER!!!! THE COP DID NOT SAY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, ETC; UNTIL LATER, THAT WAS WRONG!!! SO MY CIVIL RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED!!!!! ANYHOW I'M OUT OF HERE!!!
I have the strangest feeling that the person posting the nasty stuff above the one by Eugene's is by a sad pathetic cop or an "F.O.C" friend of a cop, another said pathetic person who thinks that by drinking with a cop they are powerful, empowered.
Usually cops are too terrified to do anything creative or artistic. They would rather mock or make fun of artists because in the end they are terrified of anything creative or original. They hate artists because they can never be them. so instead they do stuff like phony arrests.
It takes a very sick person to set up an innocent person like Euguene. Let me change that it's usually three or four sick-o's because after all they need something to talk about because their own lives are so boring, pathetic and tragic.
Eugene did have his day in court and was cleared. He is innocent.
The cops who arrested him wasted the City's money and the court's time.
And harmed an innocent man. At the end of the day, Eugene is STILL a dues paying Union member and working actor.
Nice work, Eugene. Living well is the best revenge.
Chalk one up for our side.
Just what kinda pablum pap is this? Had his day in court? Hmmm, what are the particulars? What "Nice Work" did Eugene Calamari Jr. do? Well, that arresting detective, one Det. David Lampasone, actually had the nerve to Retire! Like many of those now underpaid and oveworked NYPD detectives that are giving up the job, the one on Eugene's case hung up his badge. It's also likely the woman involved has her attention elsewhere and doesn't want to lose the day's wages to give testimony in a case where the arresting officer is no longer around.
According to the Queens Tribune of 9/07/06, Eugene was given an Adjournment in Contemplation of Dismissal. "The ACD “doesn’t mean he’s guilty or not guilty, but basically that the case is still pending because there has not been a decision,” said Queens DA spokeswoman Meris Campbell at the time.
So let's be blunt. Eugene may have had "his day in court," but there is a vast difference between being found innocent of all charges and having your case quietly being ACD'ed to Adjournment because nobody is around any longer to bear witness. Old Eugene just outlived everybody on this, and still walks the streets with his cellphone and nasty attitude. All the anonymous souls in the world can also attest that in the two years-plus these postings have been up here, there have been no amazing artistic products from Calamari Jr. that anyone can point to. All the garbage about being an artist isn't accurate unless you put the phrases "starving" and "unaccomplished" in front of them.
david eckstein is not david ekstein somebody like rudy kisley and anne biodich who are stupid ass wholes and sums of the earth they don't want to put their real names but I know it's them!!! nobody wants to mention her name but I know that anne biondich with rudy kisley david lampasone and his partner as well as the person accusing me her name is lisa cinque they are all working together on this to get me put away when in fact I'M INNOCENT!!!!They want to ruin me even til this day!!! CEASE AND DECIST YOU ASS WHOLES, I AM WRITING THIS IN SELF-DEFENSE OF MYSELF!!! FUCKING SCUMBAGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT CONTINUE; YOU MUST END THIS NOW!!! RUDY GET A JOB YOU FUCKING MORON!!!! THERE WILL BE A MAJOR LAWSUIT AGAINST THESE ABOVE PEOPLE I MENTIONED; I WILL FILE!!! JENNIFER, DO NOT EDIT THIS AT ALL!!!!!!
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