things that have no space in my Treo scheduler

Everyone has been emailing me to ask "When do you sleep???" (Three question marks in series is a not-uncommon ending to this inquiry).

I do sleep. I sleep just fine. I do not, however, eat. Or wash my clothes. I mean, I have a lot of clothes. I don't wear dirty clothes. But I'm down to wearing my old prom dress, with a suit jacket circa-1999-when-I-had-a-dotcom casually thrown over it. (Actual prom photo, circa 1996, at right -- I'm wearing enormous glasses!)

I have a plethora of clean towels and sheets, because those things can be dropped off at the laundromat and washed by other people. Many of my nicer clothes, however, need to be washed cold, on delicate, with Woolite, and hung to dry. I never do this. Almost never.

I am also notorious for getting up, making coffee (I never forget that), putting a piece of bread in the toaster, not noticing when the toast pops, finding the toast all cold and hard two hours later, and eating it anyway.

Right now I am boiling tortellini, which is remarkably like real food (I had tortilla chips for breakfast), but I had to set an actual timer for eight minutes (it's now at 3:41 ... and I'm blogging about it), because without it, I would certainly boil my tortellini to the point of inedibility. And then I would eat them anyway.

Sleeping is no problem. But if you want to do my laundry, call me.

Addendum: Not if you are a male submissive. I know it sounds like a good deal that you want to come do my laundry and serve me or whatever (I've heard from six to eight of you over the last year, and most of you love women's feet in a special way), but I know that you are going to do my laundry incorrectly on purpose just so I'll spank you, and that's just not how I play.