Happy New Year

I just posed in my Wonder Woman outfit in an old silver phonebooth.

I'm off to see They Might Be Giants.

Happy birthday to you-know-who.

Photos soon! Re-gifting Show recap soon! I love you all!

Punned by the Times

Here is the last audio clip from my radio interview on "The Stress Factor," in which I discuss seeing my breakup mocked in the New York Times (yes, this really happened!)


Punned by the Times
Related posts:

audio: I had a baby with a gay man
a radio clip, featuring "fellatio plus melons"
shout-out to all my peeps from Montclair State and "The Stress Factor"

Fleshbot likes their hotties smart but plasticwrapped

Congratulations to Molly Crabapple for being named one of Fleshbot’s Top Ten Hotties of 2005. They picked a really creepy photo of Molly wrapped in plastic like a RealDoll (creepy in a good way; the photographer is my buddy Burke Heffner).

Molly has declined to be photographed as Wonder Woman for the Wonder Woman blog, and has instead offered to draw herself as Wonder Woman. Oh, the powers of illustration!

And to finally finish kissing the ass of my already-BFF, here's her latest New York Press article, Naked in the City. And if you're an artiste, go draw at Dr. Sketchy's in Williamsburg on January 14th. I'll be there even though I can't draw.

mail order husbands

I found this mail-order husband site off a link from a Salon article about legislation to protect mail-order brides. The men all seem to be Ukrainian, and some of them are kind of cute. I liked this fellow's profile:

"I am a marriner, navigation officer. I finished Marrine Accademy. I love to explore Internet when i am not in the sea. And I like music, movies, nature and many other things.I speak perfect English."

It is, in fact, difficult to explore Internet when you are in the sea! But, oh, how great it would be to explore Internet with you.

I wonder if the guy advertising "I have a secondary-special education and I am an operator of gas boilers" realizes that American women will think he is retarded.

I like the guy who offers "I like cars, help in cooking in the kitchen, sauna." Who doesn't want to get cooking in the sauna with a Ukrainian looking for a Green Card? Hott!

Check out this open-shirted literature hunk (pictured). This is ridiculous. I've always wanted a man who can "wear different clothing styles."

Tonight, someone is getting the Mickey Mouse ears

Remember the Seinfeld episode about "re-gifting" -- giving as a gift something that was given to you, but you didn't like enough to keep? Bring an unwanted gift to this show -- all gifts will be circulated and redistributed, so you might come home with something better! Comedians will keep you entertained as the bad gifts go 'round.

"The Re-Gifting Comedy Show"
December 30th, 11pm, FREE
Pete's Candy Store, 709 Lorimer St in Williamsburg

Jesus is Magic

On the Comedy Central holiday special that aired on Christmas, Sarah Silverman defined schadenfreude as German for "Look, that Jew fell down."

a quarter-century of wonder

So, last week when my mom saw pictures of me in my Wonder Woman underpants, she, naturally, assumed the act of wearing them was referential; of course I had had Wonder Woman underpants as a child, and of course I would remember this.

On the occasion of my visit, my mother searched through her photo collection, and finally discovered the germane photos -- but it turns out, I was not four or five as she had remembered, but rather a mere two-and-a-half, which is why I have no memory of having owned (and posed for photos in) Wonder Woman underpants.

And now, having returned home to my scanner with these photos, I present, "Jen as Wonder Woman: The Past Twenty-Five Years."


Uncanny, no?

Announcing: The Wonder Woman Blog

Allow me to now officially announce my project with co-blogger Syd Bernstein:

*** The Wonder Woman Blog ***
An excerpt:

This blog was created due to the convergence of several events:

• Unbeknownst to anyone, I had recently been to the Bust website and purchased the Wonder Woman Cami and Panty Set.
  
• I had a vaudeville show coming up, and I like to rock a good costume from time to time. Then, while advertising the vaudeville at a comedy show the week before, I blurted out "...and I'll be hosting in my Wonder Woman underpants!" And then I was committed to doing so.
  
• I did, in fact, host a vaudeville show in my Wonder Woman underpants. Photos were taken, and those photos were put on the internet.
  
• In response to this, my mother dug through her family photos and produced a thing I did not know existed: photos of me in Wonder Woman underpants from when I was two.
  
• Therefore, I clearly needed a blog about this.

We are eagerly accepting photo submissions of readers dressed as Wonder Woman.

displaying our own erudtion, like a peacock attracting a mate

Today's Word of the Day is:

apposite \AP-uh-zit\, adjective:
Being of striking appropriateness and relevance; very applicable; apt.

I rather enjoyed the sample usage of the word:

Suppose, for example, that in a theoretical physics seminar we were to explain a very technical concept in quantum field theory by comparing it to the concept of aporia in Derridean literary theory. Our audience of physicists would wonder, quite reasonably, what is the goal of such a metaphor--whether or not it is apposite--apart from displaying our own erudition.
--Alan D. Sokal and Jean Bricmont, [2]Fashionable Nonsense:
Postmodern Intellectuals' Abuse of Science

I want you in my lasso of truth

I have updated the Photos section a bit, and created the next Shout-Out email newsletter, queued to go out later this morning.

To receive future emails from me (now including Best of the Blog links, plus jokes and audio as always) ... oh, here's the box:

Join the jen is famous dot com mailing list for your city! Subscribers get access to secret comedy clips and posts.

Email:

What would you say if I told you I had started an entirely new blog, dedicated to pictures of (other) women in Wonder Woman costumes?

Well, I totally did.

do we have to shock people all the time just because we're so darn liberal?

One year, Salon commemorated Mothers' and Fathers' Days by publishing a litany of stories about people being abandoned and abused by their parents, choosing to have abortions, etc. Eventually, some people wrote in to complain and they cut it out.

I was reminded of this when I read this week's Savage Love -- for Christmas (in commemoration of the Virgin Mary), Dan Savage decided to write about "virginity horror stories." They're pretty terrible, and, indeed, funny. But also sort of a loud, pottymouthed cry for attention (headline: "Jesus Busted His Own Mom's Hymen!" Ahem).

no one should ever shout at you while you are on the Stairmaster

We live in a society that hates fat people, but has also made it politically incorrect to say "Goddamn, it feels fantastic to be thin." We're all supposed to linger dispassionately in the mid-ranges; it's like the fallacy of middle ground.

I have finally found a type of salad I like (I hate lettuce, but it turns out I dig spinach), and I've been making spinach salads with dried cranberries and flax seeds and chevre and raspberry viniagrette. When I say it feels good to be thin, I mean it literally -- my posture is much better when I get really thin. It feels fantastic to be standing up straight all the time without even thinking about it. I've never actually heard anyone else mention the effect of one's bodyfat level on one's posture, but I'm sure I couldn't be the only one.

While on the topic, though, I think the reality show The Biggest Loser is one of the meanest, least productive things I've ever seen. It's practically a human rights violation.

Torturing people as they try to lose weight for sixteen hours a day, and then putting them on a giant scale in front of their teammates and the opposing team, where, even if they've lost weight, everyone will likely be disappointed in them for not losing more? Have these people not heard that you shouldn't do anything on a diet that you wouldn't be willing to do for the rest of your life? (You shouldn't!) This show was so mean!

I think a few of the contestants were classic, ultracompetitive type-A personalities who took the ball and ran with it and will now be super-annoying, mountain-biking, protein-shaking drinking, jogging-at-5am-type diet fetishists for the rest of their lives. But that hardly justifies sending the message to America that getting healthy requires torturing yourself, public humiliation, and exercising until you cry. I hate you, NBC.

Semi-relatedly, this young man has been on a jam sandwich diet his entire life.

A request, my dear readers.

I would really like to pre-sell thirty of the "Jenisfamous Portable Comedy Compendium" books. It would help me greatly with the printing.

If you are interested in ever owning a Jenisfamous/Molly Crabapple illustrated comedy book, would you please consider ordering it now? I will send it to you with great love and care when it is ready. Thank you.

xo
Jen

The Jenisfamous Portable Comedy Compendium (pre-order)

You've heard the jokes. Now they are lovingly illustrated by artist Molly Crabapple, and interspersed with "best of" bits from the blog, odd little footnotes, and even an intermission. This 4 x 4 inch novelty book makes a great gift item, and is available signed.

This product is available for pre-order and will ship following its print run.

$10.00

Would you like it signed?	Autographed CopyNon-Autographed Copy
If so, to whom (first name) ought it be inscribed?

See more merchandise in the store

the value of punctuation: it conveys meaning, part II

Oftentimes, deli awnings will last various items sold at that deli, sometimes seemingly without regard to priority, as in "CIGARATTES CANDY NEWSPAPER COFFEE FISH." All fine and good, and the meaning is clear. But I laughed the other day when I saw a deli that listed only two things, one above the other in a box next the name of the deli, like this:

COFFEE
SANDWICHES

Coffee sandwiches! Tasty!

You can get "coffee jelly" (as in Jell-O) sometimes at places that sell bubble tea. But I've yet to see a coffee sandwich.

Once for a party I made espresso cookies and then realized after the fact that I had used so much coffee that I needed to warn people. I did the math, did some googling, and put up a sign warning people that consuming more than three cookies was inadvisable, and ten could cause a heart attack.

(I found that picture by searching Google for "nutella sandwich").

Related post:

the value of punctuation: it conveys meaning!

advertising versus rice-bowl death match!

You can advertise on Jenisfamous.com or on SarcasticSex.com for just $5.36 a day.

That is well over the cost of sponsoring a child in a war-torn nation, but, hey, your call.

if I make the sad-kitty face, will someone give me a sitcom? pretty please? meow?

Lest anyone should accuse me of pulling a Paris Hilton and never changing my facial expression, here are some photos from the photoshoot I did for Evilkid, by Aeric Meredith-Goujon.




Related post:

I see London, I see France

Recap: December 14th Jenny Vaudeville Show

Please pardon the delay; this recap is now in service.

On December 14th, 2005, on a cold night in Williamsburg, a panoply of talented performers and a plethora of stylish and urbane audience members converged at Pete's Candy Store for the Jenny Vaudeville Show.

First, I told some jokes, and announced that we would, as always, have contests and prizes, and that one of the prizes would be this vibrator, which has since gone up in price to $1.99, but which had been priced at sixty-nine cents when someone sent me the link, so I ordered ten as a joke, figuring the order wouldn't go through because of the "pricing error." A week later, I got a box of ten vibrators ($6.90!) in the mail. I still have nine.

I was not yet wearing my Wonder Woman underpants; I decided I'd shed clothing throughout the show until I was ready to fight crime.

Here is what happened then. Photos by Semyon (see the complete set here).


Erin and Her Cello started off the show with her song "At the Zoo."
Listen here.


Comic Carolyn Castiglia not only made us all laugh, but she rapped in Dutch. I don't think there's a recording of that, exactly, but you can read her show recap here.


Allison, Rachel, and Nichelle competed in Comedy Trivia (2 points for a correct answer, 1 point or an arbitrary fraction thereof for an incorrect but funny answer). Rachel won a DVD, clinching the victory by answering "What happened to Rose of Sharon's dead baby in The Grapes of Wrath?" with "It died?" for seven-eighths of a point.


Rachel Kramer Bussel, erotica author extraordinaire, read her story "Doing the Dishes." Doing the dishes now turns all of us on. What are we supposed to do about that?
Here's her recap.


The Rob and Mark Show regaled us with musical comedy, including "The Blog Song," which highly amused the bloggers in the audience, including Nichelle, GirlyNYC, and Jessica Cutler.
Listen to the Blog Song here.
Somewhere in here, the "Guess the Author" contest was won by publicist Matt Caldecutt, who was the first to shout out "Ben Franklin!" as I read from an essay about how the speaker, Franklin, maintained his austere lifestyle by eating only porridge for breakfast, without even tea, but then his wife got all fancy on him and got him a silver porridge-bowl -- clearly the first step on the path to debauchery and licentiousness.


Monologuist Syd Bernstein performed The Sydney T. Bernstein's One-Man Show and One-Man Tell Christmas Special.
Read the text here.


Tony, Syd, and Mike competed in the first-ever Jenny Vaudeville "Math-Off," speed-answering questions like "What's five-sixths times ten elevenths?" and "If you have five ironic t-shirts, three pairs of dirty jeans, and the option to wear or not wear an ironic hat, how many different outfits could you create?" Syd won the vibrator.
Somewhere around this time, photographer Semyon went home. Brian Van was on hand to capture the next act (and to take the entire set of photos I previously blogged -- see them again here).


And, the finale! The Dartmouth Cords, an a capella group on tour during their holiday break from college, rushed into the room, utterly filling the diminutive stage. They even performed a comedy sketch in between songs. Quoth Jessica Cutler: "I felt all 'Mrs. Robinson' around those young boys."
Listen here.
By this point, I was down to my Wonder Woman underpants, but you've already seen those photos. I hear the party went on after I left around 1am. I was exhausted, but extraordinarily pleased. I put some pants back on and headed into the cold.

Next show: Wednesday, January 11th, 10pm, Pete's Candy Store. Featuring Zeroboy (the human sound-effects man!), musical comedy by Rachael Parenta, ventriloquism by Carla Rhodes, special musical guest The Two Man Gentlemen Band, and glass-walking and other circus tricks by the beautiful and deadly Pyrate Sisters.

Related post:

Jenny Vaudeville - Saving the world from Nazis

Prolegomenon to Any Future Blogsterbation

I've been catching up on various people's blogs, and perusing some new ones, and it's a bit melancholic. The vast majority of people I've met in the blog scene I like very much individually, but when blogging occurs, generally speaking, there's all the sniping and cliquishness and damnation by faint praise and even passive-aggressive linking.

There a name I can't remember for the idea of how space (as in architecture and urban planning and simple geography) affects our behavior; the classic example is that when you put front porches on the houses, people talk to each other more. People in New York buy more iPods than people in LA because we take subways and they have car stereos. Something inherent in the medium of blogging makes people substantially less chill.

I am noticing from bloggers the sort of obsessive dating-type behavior of the sort generally ascribed to girls, usually derogatorily -- if you and another blogger attend an event and that blogger is later mentioned and not you, well, that's easy to interpret; however, if both of you are mentioned but the other blogger gets a link and you don't, well, maybe that's a little backhanded, isn't it?

I was talking to Megan once about how obsessive dating behavior is just that -- obsessive -- but that doesn't make it incorrect. It is often quite precise, even if engaging in it changes the nature of the experiment (that is, one's actions in checking up too much on a budding relationship will change the very thing one is checking up upon¹).

For example: you're seeing someone, not yet in a relationship. You send an email² and it goes unanswered for 24 hours. No big deal. But while passing the time, you log on to the personals site where the two of you met, and see that the person who has not answered your email for the last 24 hours has logged in to the personals in the last two hours.

Is this behavior obsessive? Completely. One should avoid acting this way. But are you wrong that someone's just not that into you? No, you're probably right on the money.

In contrast to this tightly-knit web of overanalysis, I hope to somewhere find a gentleman who is straightforward and relatively immune to others' evaluations of him, and we can stay in and watch Netflix movies. I could go back to New Hampshire and find a nice lumberjack³ who has lice in his beard⁴ but, when he is unhappy about something, chops wood instead of blogging about it and then getting bummed if the comments don't go in his favor. Also, it has been a long time since I have owned a wooden birdfeeder. I know men who can make their own sushi, but none who make birdfeeders.

In closing, blogs are mean. The First Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards are both mean and funny.

The end.

1) Can anyone remember the name of the principle in science that states that observing an experiment changes the outcome?

2) A simple one, like "Do you like the Fugees? I do. Hey, let's get lunch," such as might receive a brief but prompt reply. Not something like "Where is this going? I've been hurt a lot, so I just wanted to ask now" such as might be expected to receive a reply just right after never.

3) My college really had a forestry team. They speed-felled trees in competition, but the Canadians always won.

4) Hyperbole.

December 30th: bring us your poor, your huddled masses, your Dr. Phil books and crocheted tissue-box cozies

"The Re-Gifting Comedy Show"
December 30th, 11pm, FREE
Pete's Candy Store, 709 Lorimer St in Williamsburg

Remember the Seinfeld episode about "re-gifting" -- giving as a gift something that was given to you, but you didn't like enough to keep? Bring an unwanted gift to this show -- all gifts will be circulated and redistributed, so you might come home with something better! Comedians will keep you entertained as the bad gifts go 'round.

Featuring Jill Twiss, Aaron Haber, Jenny Rubin, Theron Steiner, Rachael Parenta, Jackson Yung, Elon James White, Brad Aldous, and Michelle Buteau!

Merry Christmas, in art

It's nearly Christmas! I have already received a very warm bathrobe and a tea strainer, both of which are very useful. I hope that you, too, are warm and, um, strained.

Here are some holiday greetings by my artist friends -- click each to enlarge.


Molly Crabapple


Jamie B. Wolcott


Aaron Hitchcock

no snow ... it's more like a bamboo forest in here

I'm at home in Virginia, where my parents' office is filled to the brim with my mother's stuffed panda bears and panda memorabilia. My mother has taken up watching the San Diego Zoo's PandaCam. Apparently, the baby panda somersaults around while his mother keeps him in check, and the daddy panda spends hours shoveling bamboo into his mouth and then collapses and goes to sleep, face first, on a rock.

The news in Jenville (Jenland? Jenistan? Jenoslovakia?)

• There are two new reviews on the Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog. Dirty, dirty, wry, and dirty.
  
  
• I took the Metro North to and from work (I was teaching an SAT class near Grand Central), and both times no one checked tickets, so I still have an unpunched $8.50 round trip ticket from Harlem to Grand Central. I can't imagine when I would ever need to use this.
  
  When I left for work, there was word of an end to the strike; when I arrived back in East Harlem, I saw people walking in and out of the subway, and it was like the hopeful end to some kind of post-apocalyptic science fiction film, like when everyone escapes from the bubble in Logan's Run.
  
  
• This is tenuous and could fall through, but I have been selected to be an egg donor again! Mom and Dad gave me good genes. We should get a family crest bearing the Latin version of "No alcoholics, suicides, or birth defects!" If it weren't terribly offensive, I could start an egg donation blog called (wait for it...) "Eujenics."

new on the Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog: The Vibrating Hairbrush

Ten bucks. It also works as a dog whistle, a teacup, and the Cliffs Notes to Wuthering Heights.

I love my tutoring job (and New York)

Today I discovered that the mother of one of my tutoring students -- the nice, pretty woman who makes tea while I'm teaching geometry -- was in the original cast of Cats.

what's the point of plastic surgery when everyone can see your "before" on TV?

I'm not one to go calling out signs of impending Apocalypse -- I think that reality shows and rampant Hollywood cheek implants are appalling, yes, but that people used to get disemboweled in the Spanish Inquisition, and that overall, society will be just fine.

Tonight I saw an episode of Dr. 90210, in which porn star Tabitha Stevens got new cheek implants and a large woman received massive liposuction plus a breast lift and augmentation while her seventeen-year-old sister (who looked about twelve) got "full C cup" breast implants to match. (I know that a seventeen year old with enormous knockers sounds kinda hot, but watching her mom pressure her into unnecessary surgery was just creepy).

I have now seen what it looks like when someone's breast tissue is removed through a nipple-area hole, an implant is shoved under their pectoral muscle, their actual breast tissue is shoved back through the hole, and their nipple is sewn back on. I never thought I would see that. Disembodied breast tissue looks kind of like brains.

I liked how the doctors would never say that something looked good. They were very careful. They would say things like "This will make her look more like she wants to look," or "This will create an appearance that will improve her perception of herself." In the case of Tabitha Stevens, freaky ex-porn star (she is currently producing a non-porn film about a porn star who goes on a spiritual journey to leave porn, during which she, Tabitha Stevens, playing herself, is strung up via shark hooks through the skin of her back), the doctor was like "This is what the bitch wants. She thinks it looks good, I'm gonna call this a day."

In the Soviet Union, the trains ran on time, but everything else sucked and millions of people escaped to come here

Dear Annoyingly Striking Transit Workers: You want more money and more benefits and a bigger pension? Start your own company. That's how we do things in America.

From the Times this morning:

At the corner of Cedar and Nassau Streets in the downtown financial district, Christian Kerr, 28, a foreign currency analyst , was assessing his options for getting to his office adjacent to Grand Central Terminal in midtown.

"I don't know how I'm going to get to work, honestly," he said. He thought he might take one of the ferries to the 30's and walk.

"It's a pain in the neck," he said. "I'm very anti-union, especially this time of year. It's ridiculous. If you look what they're asking for, that's 50 years ago. Pensions don't work like that anymore."

Hey Christian, I think you're sexy.

The MTA is, indeed, corrupt and doing shady things with its money, but that doesn't change the issue; an unlikable MTA doesn't somehow make illegally striking workers more deserving. Also from the Times article:

Mr. Toussaint appealed for public support, acknowledging the tremendous inconvenience to millions of commuters and tourists. "To our riders, we ask for your understanding and forbearance. We stood with you to keep token booths open, to keep conductors on the trains, to oppose fare hikes," he said. "We now ask that you stand with us. We did not want a strike, but evidently the M.T.A., the governor and the mayor did."

Hey, guess what -- I don't support any of those things, either. Keeping token booths open for the few old people who refuse to use vending machines? Opposing conductorless trains out of simple fear of technology? And, sure, nobody wants a fare hike, but compared to the cost of owning, insuring, maintaining, and buying fuel for a car, $76 a month for an unlimited card is damn cheap (I paid $350 a month to have a car in Virginia). If they could make the train come faster, and install those little electronic bulletins they have in the stations in DC that tell you when the next train is coming, I would happily pay more. Another $10 a month for all the time I'd save? A fine deal.

Don't like your job? Put together a resume and try to get a better one. It's never been a secret that you live in a capitalist country.

It's 12:50. Do you know where your MTA workers are?

The NY Times, Fox 5, the Post, and the NY Daily News are all mum on whether there's a strike. All are still displaying articles that say things about the city bracing for the possibility of a strike at midnight.

Winning the award for useless journalism is the Daily News, running an AP story that first asked “How can you give a raise to a bus driver who would make three old ladies walk home in the cold?” and then went all-out Dr. Strangelove on us with this closing graf:

Jose Padilla, 34, said he and fellow Coca-Cola employees are meeting at 4 a.m. to come up with a plan to put more workers in trucks to ensure their product gets delivered in the case of a strike. “We have to get the Coke to the people,” Padilla said. “Just because there is a strike, people don’t stop drinking coke.”

Yes, Jose. We have to get the coke to the people. Wars have been fought over less.

praise be to Harlem

I'm down to my last pair of two-week disposable contacts, and, somewhat embarrassingly, my mother has been buying my contact lenses for me from the time I started wearing them to, well, age 26. I now have health insurance (and have for nine days!), but I wasn't sure how to use it or whether I had any kind of vision benefits. I finally just walked into my local barrio optical shop, "Wizard of Eyes," got an immediate appointment, had a perfectly pleasant eye exam, and will be able to pick up my contacts tomorrow.

Adulthood comes in peculiar little quanta. I ran a company when I was 19 (not fantastically, but I was the only undergrad doing it at Dartmouth, even in the height of the dotcom era), but waited until I was 27 to see an eye doctor by myself.

I can't wait for prom!

audio: I had a baby with a gay man

Here's another clip from the radio interview I did with "The Stress Factor," this time discussing my babymama, the baby I'm having with a gay man, and how these things only happen deliberately.


"I had a baby with a gay man" - from "The Stress Factor"
I have another clip or two to post from this, but my favorite bit is actually right after I got off the phone (I had been talking about "fellatio plus melons"), when the hosts had this discussion:

"Holy moly, is what I have to say."

"We're gonna all just, we're gonna all just...."

"I think I need a cigarette."

(laughing)

"Okay, we're going to come back and deal with some of your relationship emails and issues."

"At this point I don't even care."

but I am using mine with verve and panache! it's different, I swear!

When I first saw the clever defacement of this Treo ad, I thought, Ha, yuppie wankers, foiled again!

My next impulse was to take a picture ... with my Treo.


click to enlarge

they're called "pants," and it's not so bad

Megan and I saw these winter shorts in the window of Forever 21 on Union Square. We stared at them, not wanting to say the obvious: wouldn't our legs be cold?


It seems such a silly, unnecessary question, yet there are the winter shorts, in all their tweed and wool and pinstripe.

Megan said: "Great, I guess I'll go put on my corduroy bikini."

we've both been on Fleshbot; does that make us friends?

My ex-loves are all smashing up into my present. On top of brunch with one ex-boyfriend and a road trip with another (and his wife), I am now in touch with the object of a crush I had -- on a television star -- when I was ten.

Remember this guy? ("I always wondered where my mandibula was").

So, Donavan Freberg has a blog. And you can see him naked on the internet. He writes:

I love your blogs!

Sarcastic sex toys may just be the greatest thing ever!!!

The Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog prompted Donavan to send this link (not safe for work) to the Cock O' Lada.

a Norwegian gentleman said to me today

"America is full of choice, but it's irrelevant choice. You have fifty kinds of cereal! An entire aisle of cereal. But when you go to vote, there are only two parties, and they're basically the same."

a radio clip, featuring "fellatio plus melons"

Here is a clip from a radio interview I did on 11/3/05:


Jen discusses the Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog on "The Stress Factor"



this is me with host Lou Ruggieri at the Dec. 6 Spectacular
Related posts:

shout-out to all my peeps from Montclair State and "The Stress Factor"
From SarcasticSex: The T.B.M.

filmmaker Vincent Gallo is selling his sperm for $1 million

This is far greater than the fee I received for my eggs, although Mr. Gallo is going to pay for the in-vitro fertilization out of his fee. He also specifies "If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself."

He also specifies that his family contains "no cripples," and that "If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt."

Things get messed up and racist after that. Here's the link (scroll to the bottom).

Related posts:

a few thoughts on egg donation after the fact
No one ever refers to women as "virile"
I'm going to end up in bar fights
the state of things
egg tales
imagine being a nurse in the maternity ward who wasn't told about any of this
cheaper by the dozen
update from solitary hotel room
I'm sure a male comedian who became a sperm donor would not receive cute sperm-related gifts
thanks for all the love

age differences in dating

Since the cowboy, I have been on a couple of dates with younger men and subsequently concluded that the situation was untenable. One gentleman not only agreed with my assessment, but added that our 2-3 year age difference was "more like five years" because I'm the girl. I pontificated further and now think the multiple is even greater; if you take the age difference between a younger man and older woman and multiply it by pi, it works out just about right. For instance, my dating a 22 year old is about as weird as my dating a 42.7 year old.

press: jenny vaudeville coverage from the undiscovered superstar

A Jenny V. recap from Carolyn Castiglia, who rapped in Dutch, much to the amusement of the Cords and everyone else.

I've also been quoted by comic book guru Warren Ellis and given a little sugar by Jessica Cutler.

Remind me not to date other bloggers, because I don't want to have to check up on my own love life via RSS feed.

humor writers in superhero suits

After my recent Wonder Woman gallivanting, Brian Van suggested I perform a duet with this person.

hammer hard fuck games devoid of all taboos

Commenting on spam headlines is a banal blog topic, but this missive proved simply irresistable:

Subject: hammer hard fuck games devoid of all taboos

That first bit, the "hammer hard fuck games" -- a bit ee cummings, no? No words are wasted here.

And note, we have said "devoid of all taboos" -- not "anything goes," which leaves the mind blank of suggestion, which is so permissive as to become boring, to merely put another layer of gloss on our desensitization to the vamped-up eros of advertising and porn.

"Devoid of all taboos" reminds us of what those taboos might be -- it lifts the skirt a peek on what we might get the chance to do, all while reminding us that in other, lesser places, such things are forbidden. A flash of thigh, a hint of sadomasochistic asphyxiation -- both are sexier when the implication is that these things are not available to others, that this chance is urgent, ephemeral.

The rest of the email reads:

This site is not for the faint of heart.
Here all morals are thrown to the wind and man boldly goes where most dare not tread. The motto here is Wet and Wild.
What happens is not your normal sex, instead hammer hard fuck games devoid of all taboos.
This is something for only the most adventurous sex pro's and lust junkies.
Hot, hard and exclusive; and all in the best picture and sound quality available.
No where else will you get a show like this; only here.

Note that we do not simply say, ingenuously: "This is Wet and Wild," but rather "The motto here is Wet and Wild," as though to imply that we are the sorts of people who don't simply advertise things as Wet and Wild, but rather we are the sorts of people who quote others, bemusedly, as having said "Wet and Wild."

The people here, we might say, as though leading an erudite sex tour, consider themselves "Wet and Wild." We would hardly take such people home to Mother, but wouldn't it be pleasant to have sex with them? Why, we should become veritable "lust junkies"!

I am willing to grant poetic license to the run-ons and unconventional semicolon use.

Hammer-hard we go, our morals thrown to the wind.

dear girl who once upon a time avoided a date with a judgmental financial services professional - good for you!

My buddy Jim is a contestant on this week's New York Post Meet Market. I think you should go and vote for him, as the #2 guy on the list is kind of pissing me off. He writes:

My worst date happened back in college. I was supposed to go out on a first date with a certain girl, but on the day before the date I caught her making out with another guy. Needless to say, we never went on that date!

So, not only was this girl not your girlfriend, you hadn't even been on a single date with her! You think you own her? Sure, seeing her making out with another guy is damn awkward, and, sure, I could see not wanting to go on the date anymore -- if you had said "It was really awkward, so the date just never happened," I could understand.

But "needless to say"? "Caught her"? Sorry, accountant -- the girl is just too hot for you to handle.

transit strike?

What do I care, as long as the internet still works?

Jenny Vaudeville - Saving the world from Nazis

Brian says:

Pics from last night's amazing Jenny Vaudeville show.

Look, learn, love.


Update: Brian's headline has to do with the fact that I learned last night, on stage, that Wonder Woman saved the world from Nazis in the comic books and on the show. I had been wondering where to find a man tied to train tracks whom I might rescue.

Update 2: Also, I like how Brian sent me an email this morning explaining that he had posted the photo link to my blog, and then helpfully included a link ... to my own blog. You know, in case I can't find it myself. I hate when that happens. Losing your blog is totally worse than losing your keys.

Update 3: Semyon, who took