actual non-fictional things that are happening to me

News!

• I'm going to be Dangerdame of the Week over at DangerDame. (How do you, too, accomplish this task? Buy a Dangerdame dress and send in photos of yourself in it. Apparently, inviting store proprietor Veronica to do a burlesque performance at your birthday and then being too drunk to remember it does not diminish your chances of winning).
  
  
• My humorous sadomasochistic poem "Seven Nights" is going to be published in a literary journal ... alongside the work of a much more famous comedienne.* In this poem, someone gets spanked with a lacrosse trophy, and snowshoes are used as a bondage device.
  
  
• I have an article coming out in Supermodels Unlimited magazine. It will be accompanied by the photo at left by Yann Feron. I look so springtime fresh. I could be a spokeswoman for the entire women's health-and-hygiene section at Walgreen's.

*What, am I running "blind items" all the sudden? Want to guess what anorexic starlet was seen surreptitiously pouring her Jamba Juice into a potted ficus?