Vin did inspire me to jump out of an airplane, twice

I was just explaining to someone that Vin Diesel is like the male Pam Anderson; he's a blown-up, exaggerated sexual archetype, someone you wouldn't want to settle down with or bring home to mom, but who you wouldn't turn down a piece of. Someone who's kind of dumb, or at least plays dumb, so you get the idea that you could take advantage of him or her with few, if any, repercussions.

Even Vin Diesel's turn in The Pacifier (love the Dawn-Eden-like title) kind of implies his malleability and willingness to please; not only is he an absurd agglomeration of brawn and bravado, but, if pressed, you could also make him take care of your kids. Kind of like how you might entertain the fantasy that Pam would wake up in the morning and bake some blueberry muffins if you told her to.

This is notably unlike other men put up for our supposed fantasies -- the witty Hugh Grant, the soulful Ralph Fiennes, even the uncontrollable Russell Crowe. (And would any of those men adopt an obviously whimsical porn-star name just to please us? I think not).

No, if all you want is a sack of pneumatic body parts and a deadly-simplistic embodiment of gender stereotypes, I think Vin and Pam are where to go. If you put them in a room together, they might explode. Or else not be able to figure out how to get out of the room, even if you left the door open and a sign pointing towards the door, reading "sex over here!"

Related post:

retro photo (this post also features SHOUTING)