what happens when math teachers read the fine print

So, my bank enrolled me in this "thank you points" program wherein I receive one point for every $2 spent with my signature or for every $3 spent with a PIN. In a month or two, I've racked up some 848 points (not sure if they're counting online bill paying -- otherwise it seems like I must have started with some kind of bonus number of points).

Anyway, to prevent scamming, the program specifies that if if you buy something and return it, the points you received will be subtracted. However, my experience with debit purchases has been that when you return something, you get your refund in cash. I can't see how the bank would really know about it. So couldn't I rack up points by buying things with debit and returning them?

For instance, last month I bought a $150 dress at Banana Republic and then returned it (I was going to wear it to my birthday party but then I took it home and couldn't get it to work with a strapless bra), and was somewhat surprised to receive $150 in cash. I could buy and return a $150 dress, um ... every day. I could buy the dresses three at once and then return them. Now, I have to imagine that the store would have some limit on the amount of money they'd hand someone in cash as a refund, maybe a few hundred dollars. So, three dresses it is. That's $450 and 150 points -- per day.

In just 167 days, I would have 25,000 points, which I could redeem for a 2 GB iPod Nano or a $250 student loan rebate (that's really in the list of prizes). Hmmn.

I once had a similar idea for a (perfectly legal) scheme involving the Victoria's Secret catalog and their free magazine offers. Oh wait, that's stored in my email box, from six years ago (for real, yo):

How to Get an Unlimited Number of Free Phone Cards and Interesting Other Items

1. Obtain one of those Victoria's Secret catalogues which offers free shipping and returns on orders over $100. Sign up on victoriassecret.com, and they would be happy to send them to you on a regular basis.

2. Call and order $100 worth of merchandise. Pay for it by credit card, getting free shipping. When they ask if you want to join the free magazine program, say yes. Select your two magazines. They carry over 600 titles (beauty, fitness, cooking, e-business, home repair, etc.)

3. When you receive your merchandise, return it all. The purchase price is refunded to your credit card, and, again, Victoria's Secret pays the shipping.

4. Around the time you start receiving magazines, you will receive a card from the magazine program telling you how to cancel -- or, should you forget to cancel, how to have any credit card charges refunded.

5. Call and attempt to cancel your magazines. They will offer you a free 20 minute phone card or an Entertainment book (containing, among other things, three $5 off a $25 purchase coupons to Borders) for continuing to receive your magazine, with the continued option to cancel at any time, or to have any credit card charges refunded should you forget to cancel. Select your free gift -- one per magazine. (Plus, of course, free magazines).

6. Call back the next day and attempt to cancel your magazines. They will offer you a free 20 minute phone card or an Entertainment book... (etc.)

7. Repeat as necessary.

As far as I can tell, there is no limit to how many times you can call and accept a free gift in exchange for NOT cancelling your magazines. As for Victoria's Secret, after you ordered $100 worth of stuff and returned it a couple of times, they might stop giving you free shipping, but by then you could have gotten TONS of free phone cards. Plus, if you frequently order from Victoria's Secret anyway (as I do), then you get more magazines every time you order.

Isn't that neat?

In my own defense, while I have called the magazine program many times to get free phone cards, I have never taken advantage of the free returns by ordering things I never meant to keep; all of my Victoria's Secret orders were real.

UPDATE: So, I just called again and got more free phone cards. So far, the company has shown no signs of not wanting to send me an infinite number of them.

The problem with their incentive program, of course, is that it offers a material reward every time you maintain the status quo, and there are few limitations on how many times I can maintain the status quo in three months.

When I call up, they ask which magazine I'm calling about -- at first, I sort of figured that they wouldn't send me free gifts more than once for each magazine, so I would wait for the recording to name the various magazines, and select a free gift for each one. I have now realized that that is not necessary. I can select the first-listed magazine each time, and punch in the appropriate buttons before the recording-lady finishes talking, bringing the whole process down to about a minute. So, theoretically, by spending an hour on the phone -- during which I could very likely do other unrelated things, like eat lunch, or actually read the magazines -- I could get 60 free 20 minute phone cards, worth $5 apiece.

Maybe I should start reselling them on eBay?

Maybe I should just take this up full-time. If I found a way to resell my $5 phone cards for, say, $3, I could still make $180/hour, in exchange for agreeing to receive free magazines which I enjoy reading.

Also in theory, if I spent only one hour per day on the phone, I could get 5,400 free phone cards, with a retail value of $27,000, per magazine (I get three months per magazine to request the cards).

Working full-time over three months, I could obtain 43,200 phone cards, for 864,000 minutes of long-distance domestic calling time, with a retail value of $216,000.

If I order from Victoria's Secret at least once every three months (and I can always order more than $100 worth of merchandise in order to get free shipping and returns, and then return it all), I can enroll in the program indefinitely.

Doing this over the course of one year, I could obtain 175,200 free phone cards, for 3,504,000 minutes of long-distance domestic calling time, with a retail value of $876,000.

Jen