two days past

Dear readers, fans, ex-lovers...

I still have laryngitis. I am, as planned, resting after the show, with which I am very pleased indeed. I will get to everyone's emails, voicemails, and small sealed packages of anthrax soon.

When I was in high school, I got full-on, Jen-muting laryngitis just before the big state debate tournament. I was afraid I'd have to back out, Michelle-Kwan-style. A friend told me that whisky with honey was a good laryngitis cure, but I didn't know where I'd ever get whisky (I was so far from a party-girl that I didn't even know anyone who knew anyone who could buy alcohol). Fortunately, my friend's slutty-with-a-heart-of-gold mom (really) stepped in and made me some hot tea with whisky and honey and sent it to school for me with my friend. I was so terrified that I'd be discovered with alcohol at school that, after downing some of this beverage in the girls' room, I put the rest of it, in a thermal mug, in my backpack so as to better hide it, but then it spilled, making my backpack smell of hot whisky, and utterly soaking my copy of Willa Cather''s My Antonia which, it turns out, we were turning back in to the school that day. When the teacher came around, I handed my copy back. She looked at me really funny, sniffed the area around my desk, and said nothing. I think she figured I deserved to go to college without a disciplinary record, even if I inexplicably stank of alcohol at 8:15 in the morning.

xo,

Jen