worst sex ever, mushrooms, handjobs, blogging, exes, surprise nostalgic affection, and the fate of black actors in Hollywood, all in one post
I went to the WYSIWYG show last night and ended up onstage, as one of Todd Levin's audience volunteers, reading a script that recreated one of Todd's worst-ever sexual experiences. I was a girl from college, Todd portrayed himself, and TAN portrayed Todd's Inner Monologue. The story was about a really overly aggressive handjob. I totally said "weiner" and "Turbo Hand Job Superblaster" on stage. TAN was also one of the readers, and candidly titled his piece "The Time I Had Sex on Mushrooms." And then, he came home and posted it to his blog.
I was also the recipient of a completely unexpected, lifting-me-off-the-ground hug from an ex who managed to swoop in from some sort of oblique angle, which at the time was completely startling but now sort of makes me giggle. If I had been prepared, I'd have worn my leaden motorcycle boots, and replied, "Aha! I may look tiny, but I cannot be levitated on command!" Aww.
It was, incidentally, a total accident that TAN was cast as Todd's inner monologue (Todd just took the first two audience volunteers), but it sort of worked out exactly like a mainstream Hollywood movie, wherein a black person's sole job is to sagely provide a shadow-conscience for a white person, as in Million Dollar Baby, which I went to see because I like women's boxing, and then I started laughing in the theater as soon as I heard Morgan Freeman's totally overwritten dialogue, and then I spent the rest of the movie feeling kind of bad that someone couldn't write a part for Morgan Freeman wherein he has and pursues his own damn goals, boss-man and Hillary Swank be damned.
posted by JenIsFamous at 2/15/2006 09:38:00 AM
2 Comments:
when is morgan gonna get some love!!
This has probably been expounded on many times over, but he really needs to play hardball at contract time and with all the gravitas he can muster say, "I'm not doing it until one of these hot white bitches gives me some motherfucking ass."
is there anyone doing freeman impressions on the ny comic circle? i want to work with him (or even better, her?)
nice handjob by the way ...
Here's the thing, TAN:
New York Yankees' public address announcer Bob Sheppard may be "The Voice of God", but Morgan Freeman is apparently "The Voice of Everyone Else". (And I hasten to add that if you're the other person who saw the Jim Carrey stinker "Bruce Almighty". . .sorry, I won't post plot spoilers on someone else's blog.) In the same way that Irishman Rulon Gardner--whose various iterations of "God Bless America" seem to be as ubiquitous at sporting events as crab lice in a frat house--has become "The Voice of America", Morgan Freeman's is the number you speed dial when you need gravitas, or just someone to personify one of The Man's better angels. Need narration? Give Morgan Freeman a buzz. He'll do the play-by-play for your daughter's first period, if you pay him enough.
And why not? Morgan Freeman sounds good narrating any goddamn thing. With his "laconic", "avuncular"...pick an adjective Jen Dziura doesn't know, if you really think you can. . .mien, and that "mellifluos", "honey-dipped" Voice, Morgan Freeman sounds authoritative no matter what he's describing, be it lockdown at Shawshank prison or the march of some emperor penguins.
And that's the point missed by a comic I saw doing his impressions of Morgan Freeman. It's not enough to parrot the actor's distinctive vocalization and cadence, or capture his subtle mannerisms. The trick to making Morgan Freeman funny, I think, is to read the stupidest or most banal thing you can find as Morgan Freeman would.
For example:
"I think of my friend Andy Dufresne often, and how he taught us to put our left feet in and take our left feet out. It occurs to me that the Hokey Pokey is just a metaphor for the inexorable, inscrutable turn we each must take on the Karmic Hamster Wheel of Life. Ernest Hemingway once wrote. It doesn't matter which appendage you offer first, really. So long as you shake it all about."
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