While I am mostly oblivious to such things, Syd has been the center of some controversy regarding his comic-based scholarship on the
Wonder Women Blog. From Syd:
One of the readers said that the post was offensive because of my speculation that there was a large intersection between Batman fans and Judy Garland fans. Honestly, I don't really think that all Batman fans are gay. On the other hand, not all Judy Garland fans are gay, either, so really he's the one who inferred that I was casting aspersions on people's sexuality. He mentions his 7 year-old son, who loves Robin and is unaware of any psychosexual implications. I think that may have something to do with the fact that he's 7. I really didn't think any 7 year-olds were reading the post, and, since we're all adults, I think we can all admit to ourselves that in the world of comics, Batman is second only to Sin City in the realm of phallocentrism. It is as homoerotic as it is misogynistic. My explanation of its homoeroticism can be summed up as, "Sweet Jesus! Just look at them!" As for its gynophobia, I would like to draw your attention to a Batman villain called Poison Ivy, who uses a poisonous lipstick. One kiss from her controls men's minds (and, yes, it only works on men) and another kiss kills them. Being D.C. readers, I'm sure they are already aware of this. Maybe instead of trying to explain that, I should just send him a dictionary with the definition of the word "subtext" highlighted.
3 Comments:
The only real difference between Batman and Michael Jackson that I can discern, is that one fights crime while the other gets acquitted of it (or settles out of court before it ever gets to that). Beyond that, how does one distinguish them? Batman likes to dangle his enemies out windows; Michael Jackson has been known to do the same with his children. Batman is a deeply disturbed billionaire lunatic who lives in a castle with many cool toys and one teenager. So's Michael Jackson on any given night. Both rely on the discretion of the help to keep them out of trouble. Both have wardobes that call their sanity, if not sexuality, into question; both wear masks in public. Shall I go on?
Pre-pubescent readers of this and other blogs aside for the moment, I think we all get the point: It's a wonder that Batman isn't published by AC/DC comics. Ha ha.
Superman had Lois Lane. (And before her, Lana Lang.) Spiderman had Mary Jane Watson. The Fantastic Four's three male, uh, members left no room for speculation about their sexual predilections. The Human Torch was a playboy. The Thing's girlfriend Alicia Masters managed to keep him forever hard as a rock. And their fearless leader, Mister Fantastic? Well, because Stan Lee and Jack Kirby each had a sense of humor, Mister Fantastic was able to stretch ANY body part to fantastic lengths, but was married to a hot blonde who would put up a force field around herself. Ha ha ha ha ha! (Speaking of the vaunted sense of humor evinced by so many of the Marvel writers, and of marriage. . .hey, whose idea was it to turn stereotypes on their head and give the Scarlett Witch a spouse who was LITERALLY a robot in bed? Brilliant!)
Spider Man had a girlfriend. So did the Hulk. Iron Man had a bad ticker and couldn't come out of his shell, but it didn't stop him from chasing tail when not moonlighting as a stalwart of the Avengers. Daredevil may've been blind, but he could apparently smell poon from across the street.
Etc. Etc. And more etc.
Suffice to say that all that crap about Batman and Robin having been a modern Don Quixote and Sancho Panza is just that. Bullshit. They were more like Siegfried & Roy, if one really means to evoke famous duos. Flashy costumes with codpieces, always the possibility that one of them was gonna die, unquestionably gay. Now you know.
If Batman was your hero growing up, guys, you had a gay hero. Period. Deal with it.
My mom had a crush on Rock Hudson when she was a girl. So did many women of her generation, who've since gotten over it. And why not? Rock Hudson was a hunky guy. So he wouldn't have actually slept with Doris Day or Elizabeth Taylor or even Susan St. James. Mike Brady wasn't really fucking Carol, either. (Greg was, but that's another story for another thread.) BFD.
To all the men out there who get creeped out by the idea of worshipping a gay superhero because they think homosexuality is contagious or something, I say (and I think I speak for my generation here, frankly), "Mark Messier won the fucking Stanley Cup for the Rangers. Afterward, he began bawling like Miss America. So what? Throw him a sash and a bouquet. Better yet, give him YOUR tiara, bitch. (I saw you dabbing your eyes.) Hand it to him and say, 'Here ya go, faggot.' G'head. I dare ya. I DOUBLE dare ya."
(Yeah. I know you would. I know. 'Cause Mark Messier ain't got nothing you ain't got, Butch. 'Cept the Stanley Cup and a super model GIRLFRIEND, of course.)
Hey, do me a favor? Be a lamb, grab me a cold one from the fridge, and shut the fuck up.
Very funny and astute (as usual) Matt. You're right about Batman and Michael Jackson, and about Batman and Robin being more like Siegfried & Roy than Don Quixote and Tonto. You're right, you're right, you're right. I salute you sir. I throw rose petals at your feet. Etc. I STILL won't sleep with you though! HA HA!
I'm a hockey fan. (I know what you're going to say about how girls like hockey only because their boyfriends do, but it's bs because I liked it before I liked boys.) I thought it was fine when #11 cried after winning the Cup for the blue shirts. (See? I'm a REAL fan. I know the smack.) My girlfriends all thought it was stupid but I say it's no stupider than crying when you win Miss America ladies. Check that, it is because you don't actually have to do anything except look good to be Miss America. Mark Messier actually ACCOMPLISHED something. So he was probably crying as much out of relief and disbelief than any other reason.
I don't want to presume to say, but I think girlfriend would agree that the rule about male athletes crying should be that you can cry when you get hit in the nuts. Duh! But you can also bawl LIKE Miss America after winning the Stanley Cup if you are also going to ball WITH Miss America after winning the Stanley Cup!
- J
Okay fuckers, you think you can take pot shots at one of the most iconic characters of this century and not draw the attention of some lonely fan boy? My only friend's are a cat named shadow, my dungeon master, and the Dark Knight. You have woken a sleeping giant.
If Robin is your argument for Batman's pedophelia, then you must apply that same logic to all DC superheroes.
Sure superman had Lois Lane, but he also Jimmy Olsen, a whisper thin befreckled red haired teen with a passion for photography. If that doesn't scream "Fag-and-a-Half" I don't know what does.
Think a monthly comic about a grown man and a teenage boy swimming together and sharing one anothers intimate thoughts might catch the attention of Jerry Fallwell? Because that was what readers were treated to when Aqualad was gracing the pages of "Aquaman".
I saw the term fallocentric being thrown around, is there a bigger fallus than an arrow. When they weren't splitting eachother's shafts Green Arrow used to show Speedy how to do tricks with his.
And wonder woman. The pre-Xena icon for the Birkenstock set. She was sculpted by a woman to be raised on island where men were forbidden, so one day she could strap on boots and magic bracelets (why bracelets, my guess is they're the only jewellery you put your fist in). Of course her main weapon is a rope, the main tool used in castration. Jeepers. She knows nothing of "the world of men" take that as you like it.
When Spiderman isn't going out of his way to let us all know how glib and witty he is he ejaculates webfluid into the eyes of his (mostly male) enemies every chance he gets. One of his biggest enemies is an old suit he used to wear.
"How'd I ever let myself be seen swinging aroun NY in that thing". Oh Spidey your such a bitch.
Captain America Had "Bucky Barnes". I wish I could post a picture of his get up, just in case his name alone didn't immediatly evoke an image of a gay porn star in your head.
I could go on forever. I hope a list like this doesn't exist on the net. If it does trust me I didn't crib from it. I really am this sad. Why doesnt Batman have a wife or girlfriend? Unlike the Thing or Spidey, he's just a man. If he had a woman in his life how could she in good conscience let him on the street every night, knowing that he will come back in the morning with his ribs kicked in and a bullet in his leg. Better men than I have written about what goes on in the head of this character, he has hangups, but not with women.
Okay last bit, Catwoman, the sexiest villain of all time. Who has Selina Kyle purring and licking herself clean? Nuff said.
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