a very CBGB's wedding

This is what happens when you get married at a legendary punk club which doesn't really have an "aisle" to walk down, per se, so you sort of make one with chairs, and then you need a place to get ready, so you take over the handicap bathroom where your friend from college does your hair, and then it comes time for the ceremony and you realize that, in the utter calm of planning a 55-person wedding in six weeks, you hadn't really planned exactly how you'd get from the handicap bathroom, through all the guests, to the other side of the club, near the door, so you could walk down the aisle without everybody seeing you first, but then your magical polka-playing bridesmaid Megan appears with the CBGB's soundman in tow, and hands you an umbrella and insists that you follow the soundman out the back door of the club and around the block so as to come in through the front entrance, and you're afraid for your open-toed white stilettos, but you comply, because dear God, the woman is playing the clarinet in a polka band and ran all over town buying glitter and has never, in your memory, been wrong, and you get around the block and some loitering-type men announce that you look nice, and then you're not sure what to do, and then Megan and Molly reappear, and you all go in the front door, and then somehow the soundman has deployed himself back to the booth, and soon "Chapel of Love" is playing and the audience laughs much more than a person might reasonably have expected, and the bridesmaids start walking, and then the music fades out and "La Vie en Rose" starts, and ten minutes later you're legally bound not to have sex with strangers, but that's okay, because it was all so pretty and your husband has a fantastic pompadour and the white open-toed stilettos survived just fine and then the polka starts.

I hear that's pretty much universal.

Seriously, you need to click and enlarge this.
As asked in the comments, "Are you pure enough to wear plaid?"
The mannequin has no pants!
Megan has a magic unicorn and sleeps on a rainbow.
All by Ryan B., of course.