how to beat the summer heat

Eliza of Hello, Hilarious! asked if I had any tips for beating the summer heat to post on the site. A bunch of other comediennes and I complied. Here's my part:

Jennifer Dziura, JenIsFamous.com

Too hot for pantyhose! Or pants!

• Take advantage of a heat wave to get ahead in life! Remember, you are strong and others are weak! Use the opportunity to have your choice of Stairmasters at the gym, or get the Central Park running paths nearly to yourself. Get a deal on metalsmithing classes! Pursue employment as a broiler cook or tandoori chef.
  
  
• Collect the sweat from the crack of your ass. When you get home, pour it into ice cube trays. Freeze the ass-sweat ice cubes into tiny ass-sweat ice pops. Serve them to your friends to stay cool. Ass-sweat ice pops are fun, free, and naturally salty! (Special tip: Collect your friends’ ass sweat, make it into ice pops, serve the pops right back to them. See if they can tell!)
  
  
• As enjoyable as oral sex is, it doesn’t actually cool anyone off. Try first immersing your partner's genitals in ice water for a refreshing change.

Here's the whole article.