Survivor: Ultimate Edition!

An article on Salon by Heather Havrilesky about the current season of Survivor, in which teams are broken down by race, contains this hilarious account of the depravity of European-Americans:

A member of the white tribe steals a chicken from a member of the Asian tribe, and is unrepentant, saying later, "I saw a chicken, I grabbed a chicken, because the chicken was free." Upon arriving on their island, the white tribe members congratulate one another on "kicking ass" and grabbing so much good stuff so quickly. Later, while chatting about her nickname, one of the tribe members accidentally sets both of the two chickens free. The tribe members chase the chickens, but can't catch them, and the guy who stole the chickens is extremely angry. Later that night, the first night on the island, two of the cute young people, Adam and Candace, cuddle.... Is this really "Survivor," or some kind of ominous fable depicting the rise and fall of Western civilization?

Apparently, Survivor has engaged in similar demographic hijinks in the past, like separating people by age or gender. You know what I'd like to see?

Survivor: Democrats vs. Republicans!
Episode 1: The Republican team attempts to annex the entire island in the name of Manifest Destiny (and Jesus). Someone immediately begins drilling for oil. The Republican women submit dutifully to the men, except the strident blonde one, who loudly proclaims that everyone on the Democratic side of the island rapes babies. When host Jeff Probst points out that the Democratic team has no babies, she sharpens a stick with her serpent-teeth and writes SLANDER: Lies from the Democratic Side of the Island, Which by the Way is Full of Baby Rapists Who also LOVE TERRORISM. Two male members of the Republican team build a "log cabin" and are promptly ostracized by the rest of the group, until it comes time to vote.

The Democratic team promptly breaks down into oppressed minority groups, each with its own coalition. A debate ensues over whether to found a coalition for transgendered group members, even though no one in the group is transgendered. The deaf lesbian declares the area between the river and the westmost coconut tree to be a "safe space for women." A debate ensues over whether, were the transgendered coalition to gain any members, those members would be welcome in the safe space for women. The discussion breaks down in the absence of a sign language interpreter, at which point the Democrats realize they are late for a Challenge against the Republican team. They promptly lose, while nevertheless agreeing that they are, once again, oppressed. Returning to their side of the island, the Democrats use palm fronds to build primitive computers and huddle together to develop their "netroots strategy."