lip gloss from a one-armed woman
While on tour, I found myself in Claire's, in a Memphis shopping mall, buying plastic jewelry for my cousins, who are eight and eleven, or some other ages that also mean I can't talk to them about, say, war in Iraq.
I was all stocked up on baubles when I saw something that made me laugh hysterically and totally inappropriately:
Bethany Hamilton lip gloss
I failed to photograph the actual lip gloss packaging, but this
was the photo used to hawk preteen cosmetics at Claire's
Bethany Hamilton is, of course, the teen surfer who got her arm bitten off by a shark, and is still surfing, and uses her magic stump to tell us about the word of Jesus -- and that lip gloss makes her "Stoked!"
(That's the brand name, "Stoked by Bethany Hamilton." The actual lip gloss, which was gifted to my BFF Megan, had a little surfboard charm on it. When applied to actual lips, such as those belonging to Megan, it in no way replicated the bluish or otherwise moribund lip colors associated with death from maritime blood loss).
Bethany also appears in these inspirational ads:
Which turned out nicer than they could have:
But I'm still not sure about the message. Never quit? Never? Is persistence always a virtue? I tried drunk driving once and it didn't work out -- never quit! If at first you have a bad reaction to heroin -- try, try again!
Madness is doing the same thing and expecting a shark not to eat your other fucking arm.
I was all stocked up on baubles when I saw something that made me laugh hysterically and totally inappropriately:
Bethany Hamilton lip gloss
I failed to photograph the actual lip gloss packaging, but this
was the photo used to hawk preteen cosmetics at Claire's
Bethany Hamilton is, of course, the teen surfer who got her arm bitten off by a shark, and is still surfing, and uses her magic stump to tell us about the word of Jesus -- and that lip gloss makes her "Stoked!"
(That's the brand name, "Stoked by Bethany Hamilton." The actual lip gloss, which was gifted to my BFF Megan, had a little surfboard charm on it. When applied to actual lips, such as those belonging to Megan, it in no way replicated the bluish or otherwise moribund lip colors associated with death from maritime blood loss).
Bethany also appears in these inspirational ads:
Which turned out nicer than they could have:
But I'm still not sure about the message. Never quit? Never? Is persistence always a virtue? I tried drunk driving once and it didn't work out -- never quit! If at first you have a bad reaction to heroin -- try, try again!
Madness is doing the same thing and expecting a shark not to eat your other fucking arm.
posted by JenIsFamous at 10/17/2006 09:29:00 AM
2 Comments:
While it is possible her other arm will be bitten off by a shark, I propose that is it less likely to happen than it was the first time.
With one fewer limb flailing about in the water, the shark has fewer extremities at which to aim his many rows of razor sharp teeth.
In fact, I bet she is as much 25% less likely to be bitten now.
Or 20% if you count her little blonde head as an extremity.
Of course, if the shark is big enough to just rip into her torso instead, not even creative math with save her.
If she doesn't surf again how will she find the shark who ate her old arm and kill it?
As usual, carrying a firearm is the solution.
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