Week of Monday, Dec. 18: Jen Does the News
Welcome to a new bimonthly feature on Jenisfamous.com!
Following each edition of the Monday Evening Stand-Up at Pete's live show, I'll be posting a few of my monologue jokes. All of my monologue jokes are written on the day they are delivered, so you know they're fresh.
Following each edition of the Monday Evening Stand-Up at Pete's live show, I'll be posting a few of my monologue jokes. All of my monologue jokes are written on the day they are delivered, so you know they're fresh.
An Indiana Olive Garden was shut down after nearly 400 people became sick from eating its food. The health inspector who found the bacteria responsible commented, "Well, I suppose technically it's E. coli. But it's a little bland, and I certainly wouldn't call it 'homestyle Italian' E. coli."That's it for this week! Next time, come to the show!Matt Damon, appearing on MSNBC's "Hardball with Chris Matthews," said that "if you're gonna send people to war ... then that needs to be shared by everybody, you know, and if the president has daughters who are of age then maybe they should go too." The Army's head of recruitment said he'd be happy to take Barbara and Jenna, as he has noticed that U.S. foreign policy improves markedly on "Take Our Daughters to Work Day."
A sixty-year-old Sylvester Stallone stars in "Rocky Balboa", the sixth movie in the series. In this atmosphere of sequels to long-resting franchises, moviegoers can also look forward to "Die Hard IV: Dying of Prostate Cancer," and "Ghostbusters 3," in which the aging Ghostbusters return to Manhattan, only to discover that gentrification has pushed all the supernatural phenomena to Astoria.
Pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly has been accused of hiding the side effects of the schizophrenia-treating drug Zyprexa. The evil side effects? Weight gain. That's how much we hate fat people in this country -- we don't mind if they have multiple personalities, as long as all of them can stay a size 4.Donald Trump, part owner of the Miss USA Pageant, may dethrone Miss USA Tara Conner for engaging in "inappropriate conduct" for a young woman. Careful to avoid the appearance of hypocrisy, Trump's 28-years-younger wife Melania resigned her position amidst charges of fucking a hideous old man for money.
posted by JenIsFamous at 12/19/2006 07:48:00 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks again for having me last night:) April PS. Like the one about ghost busters
True,leaked documents don't convey the 'whole picture' but what is compelling is that zyprexa is the 7th some say 5th largest drug sell in the world and Eli Lilly's #1 by their own admission. This is for a drug that can be $2.50 a pill and won't get you high,and is only FDA approved for 1% of the population.
Somebody is pushing zyprexa hard. Daniel Haszard
Great stuff. I love your all of them a size 4 joke. Excellent.
Lisa
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home