what are blogs for if not too-much-information?
As a Christmas gift to myself, I had an Eastern European woman named Marina zap my socially unacceptable body hair with lasers. (Er, my "alleged" socially unacceptable body hair. Not that a lady would ever admit to ever having had any in the first place).
Seriously, laser hair removal is kind of awesome. After an Eastern European woman* extirpates your socially unacceptable body hair, you just do nothing for a few weeks until it grows back and falls out on its own. (And then you go in and repeat the process all over again until you are as certifiably smooth as the plastic Barbie you always desired to be).
I had my first appointment a few weeks ago, and now it's like my underarms have cancer. Or, more specifically, chemotherapy.
*Who's doing all of New York's job-based racial profiling? Why do Asian women do all the pedicures and Eastern European women do all the waxing and lasering? Why do only black male teenagers sell candy on the subway, and middle-aged Asian and Hispanic women sell batteries? Why? Who decides?
posted by JenIsFamous at 12/26/2006 12:09:00 PM
2 Comments:
In light of one of your recent posts praising the contact lens ["An Ode to the Contact Lens"], a thought occurred to me: Why not combine Lasik surgery with tattoo removal, other depilatory services, reconstructive surgery, rhinoplasty, liposuction. . .the whole smash? It would be kind of like the Wal-Mart of vanity, or perhaps more aptly Alice's Restaurant, Wal-Mart being known for its affordability as well as its wide selection.
Trouble is, feminists like my favorite whipping girl Camile Paglia would chime in about how they think it degrades the average American housewife--as if calling her average is not already adding insult to otherwise perceived imperfection--to relegate her to the status of the family clunker that needs a visit to the garage before it can pass inspection. In the distaff nightmare promulgated by these feminists, some fella in a jumpsuit with his name sewn onto the left breast would, presumably, “check under the hood” (as it were), shrug his shoulders, and intone some of that homespun "good news" only an auto mechanic can.
“Well, it don’t look too bad, Missy," he'd say reassuringly. "Ah cain’t pass ya with them pubes all unashorn, o’ course, but that’s a relatively simple thang to fix. Other than that, though, ya seem to be runnin’ okay. Considerin’ the mileage, ah mean. No need for electrolysis, no crow’s feet or turkey waddle jus' yet. . .Let ol' Lem here jus' take care o’ them stretch marks fer ya, hit the kisser up with some collagen, and then we’ll give ya a push-up bra fer them itty bitty titties an’ you’ll be on yer way! Four hunnerd bucks, includin' labor, sounds about right. . .”
The late Godfather of Soul had it right. It is a man's man's man's world.
and why do men selling umbrellas make up rhymes to get us to buy them them???
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