little brother fan club
My brother wrote this. He is very funny, although he is a firefighter, not a comedian.
A poem...
Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha O' My Heart
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha how I love thee,
When temperatures reach a glacial level of cold
When I am intolerably lethargic,
When I only managed to get 5 hours of sleep yet again,
When I am considering gnawing off my own hand just to justify running screaming from this wretched place,
That is when I surreptitiously abscond to Starbucks.
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha,
With your extra shot of espresso that some may find superfluous,
With your little brown wrinkly cardboard sleeve,
This morning you raised my core body temperature ever so slightly,
While simultaneously striving to suppress my urge to destroy everyone within a 5 mile radius.
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha,
Why must the barrista woman yell so loudly?
I was standing right there.
Could she not see that I was already eagerly awaiting the arrival of my coveted beverage?
I would have preferred a more subdued arrival proclamation,
Perhaps if she had begun to whisper that my coffee had come to exist,
I could have quickly leaned forward and dramatically interjected "Shhh… You need not say it ma'am. I know. I've known all along."
Then with a tip of the cowboy hat I would be suddenly and inexplicably wearing I would disappear back out into the harshness of winter,
Just you and I…
Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha O' My Heart.
-Brian Dziura
A poem...
Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha O' My Heart
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha how I love thee,When temperatures reach a glacial level of cold
When I am intolerably lethargic,
When I only managed to get 5 hours of sleep yet again,
When I am considering gnawing off my own hand just to justify running screaming from this wretched place,
That is when I surreptitiously abscond to Starbucks.
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha,
With your extra shot of espresso that some may find superfluous,
With your little brown wrinkly cardboard sleeve,
This morning you raised my core body temperature ever so slightly,
While simultaneously striving to suppress my urge to destroy everyone within a 5 mile radius.
Oh Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha,
Why must the barrista woman yell so loudly?
I was standing right there.
Could she not see that I was already eagerly awaiting the arrival of my coveted beverage?
I would have preferred a more subdued arrival proclamation,
Perhaps if she had begun to whisper that my coffee had come to exist,
I could have quickly leaned forward and dramatically interjected "Shhh… You need not say it ma'am. I know. I've known all along."
Then with a tip of the cowboy hat I would be suddenly and inexplicably wearing I would disappear back out into the harshness of winter,
Just you and I…
Triple-Venti-Non-Fat-No-Whip-Mocha O' My Heart.
-Brian Dziura
posted by JenIsFamous at 2/12/2007 11:47:00 PM
4 Comments:
Jen, you posting my horrific poem on your blog reminds me of the old "sploosh" poems that still haunt me to this very day.
Those still come up when you google my name.
I also just noticed that the picture you included is actually of a Grande Frappucino With Whip. It was a good attempt at providing a visual aid, but that's a whole different genre of beverage.
Brian, your ability to identify that Starbucks beverage reminds me of the time I auditioned to appear on a segment of "The Man Show". In the skit, Jimmy Kimmel was hosting a game show that was a parody of Jeopardy!, with an all-male theme. (Sample answer: "The jersey of Boston Celtics legend Larry Bird, this number appears on the back of every bottle of Rolling Rock."*) As it was my turn, I chose "Drinking for $800" and got a Visual Daily Double where I was shown a bottle with its label torn off, and had to identify it as Frangelico.
My parents will be pleased to know that the money they spent sending me to college didn't go entirely to waste!
* Question: "What is 33?"
Brian, you are good. Very good. I have found something even better than fancy coffee for keeping me from ripping the heads off colleagues: retirement.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home