the one in which we weigh in on Britney's shaved head
If you are female and are going to shave your head, you need to have a pretty rockin' bone structure. In order for this to happen, you basically have to not be fat. I'm sorry, but it's true -- if you happen to possess a rockin' bone structure, but have extra head-fat, you will not look good with a shaved head.
Join me now for a brief photo-tour of shaved-headed women.
While Demi currently looks great with hair, she looked completely amazing without it:
...in part because she could do this:
Sigourney Weaver fought off enormous aliens and sacrificed herself to save humanity. She has excellent bone structure:
Natalie Portman could not fight off alien bacteria, much less fully-grown aliens, nor do I think she could do any kind of push-ups, certainly not one-armed pushups, and if she were admitted to SEAL training, all of the other SEALs, instead of hazing her, would declare her a magical pixie princess and go off to capture a golden sword or something to restore the kingdom, and it would all become a totally different movie. Apparently V for Vendetta was pretty bad, but Natalie still has a pretty little head, and it's fine if she temporarily looks like the prettiest of all the alien pixie queens:
*sigh* Britney, I'm not saying you couldn't have pulled this off after you got into fighting shape. If it is in fact the case that you will ever be in fighting shape again. Of course, it's not even worth rebuking Britney these days.
Here's how I know of what I speak:
Bad idea! Self-rebuke in place!
Join me now for a brief photo-tour of shaved-headed women.
While Demi currently looks great with hair, she looked completely amazing without it:
...in part because she could do this:
Sigourney Weaver fought off enormous aliens and sacrificed herself to save humanity. She has excellent bone structure:
Natalie Portman could not fight off alien bacteria, much less fully-grown aliens, nor do I think she could do any kind of push-ups, certainly not one-armed pushups, and if she were admitted to SEAL training, all of the other SEALs, instead of hazing her, would declare her a magical pixie princess and go off to capture a golden sword or something to restore the kingdom, and it would all become a totally different movie. Apparently V for Vendetta was pretty bad, but Natalie still has a pretty little head, and it's fine if she temporarily looks like the prettiest of all the alien pixie queens:
*sigh* Britney, I'm not saying you couldn't have pulled this off after you got into fighting shape. If it is in fact the case that you will ever be in fighting shape again. Of course, it's not even worth rebuking Britney these days.
Here's how I know of what I speak:
Bad idea! Self-rebuke in place!
posted by JenIsFamous at 2/20/2007 08:03:00 AM
6 Comments:
One of my friends claims that Britney must be jealous of 70s sexpot Farrah Fawcett and wants cancer, too. Another theorized that it was Scientology or the Symbionese Liberation Army, and our Brit opted for the latter because Elron and Kabbalah don't really mix. Me? Well, personally, I don't see what the big deal is. No doubt, the former Mouseketeer and Ike Cohen have patched up their differences, and she's telling the world to baal t'shuvit.
Either that, or she's just fucking nuts.
This is the same girl who seemingly "accidentally" got married in Vegas once. I've made mistakes too, but I wouldn't read too much into some of her actions.
Jen, you couldn't be more right about bone structure. I've considered shaving, just because I'm lazy about my hair, but it only works on ripped, bad-ass women. Note that you also should not smile at any time when you are a bald woman. Britney needs to get rid of her high-school-church-group smile first, then her hair.
Lisa, you are definitely right about the smiling part. Whenever you see bald women in film, they are always either the villains (e.g., Persis Khambatta in the original Star Trek movie; Alice Krige as the Borg Queen) or the ass-kickers (Sigourney Weaver in all the Alien movies; Natalie Portman in "V for Vendetta"; Demi Moore in "GI Jane"). Alas (and alack too, even!), it seems that they just don't make those wonderful MGM musicals with bald women the way they used to. But if they did, that would probably be right in Britney's wheelhouse, don't you think? She can sing. She can dance. She used to be a Mouseketeer, so there'd probably be good chemistry with Jerry if someone were to do a remake of "Anchors Aweigh!"
On another note, everyone's entitled to one "what the fuck was I thinking" marriage. Las Vegas is just extra style points, like when those skaters you gals all seem to like do that thing I don't know what it's called but it looks like I'd strain something if I tried it. Salchow? Lutz?
I dunno.
Sorry to triple dip--Syd Bernstein would, no doubt, be more knowledgeable about the point I'm about to make--but it seems "bald is bad" is not endemic to female villains. Daredevil's foe the Kingpin and Batman's enemy Egghead both are bald, as is Superman's arch-nemesis Lex Luthor. The megalomaniacal Dr. Evil (and, of course, his inspiration Bond villain Ernst Blofeld) is bald. The evil robot gunslinger in "West World" was played by Yul Brynner. And Michael Milken, as everyone now knows, wears a rug.
On the other hand, with the exception of "liberator of the known universe" Dwight Eisenhower, I cannot think of too many bald superheroes. I wonder why.
Perhaps you should consider shaving your head Jen...I think you look pretty good.
http://www.imagesforlife-online.com/meowNew.htm
The Silver Surfer is completely "slap head". Sadly Doug Jones has been cast in that particular role in the forthcoming Fantastic Four Movie.
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