top article on McSweeney's today!

Update: I am an idiot. I have fixed the link in this post. NOW click on it. Do not go back in time and click on it, or you will be sorely misled. Thank you.


A MEMO
TO MY NEW
BOYFRIEND
RE: CLARIFICATION
OF OFFER PURSUANT
TO SECURITIES AND
EXCHANGE COMMISSION
REGULATIONS AND ALSO
MY TROUBLE WITH
MONOGAMY.
BY JENNIFER DZIURA

Addendum: A lawyerly friend of mine replied:

There is some question as to whether a contractual bargain that extends into perpetuity must be written to be enforceable, per the applicable state Statute of Frauds, which (if the common law of Merrie Olde England is anything to go by) covers contracts of marriage, contracts for the sale or transfer of land, and contracts not by their terms performable within the space of one year. Thus, mere oral agreement to love someone "forever" (assuming time lasts for more than one year) would not be enforceable. However, there may be applicable state glosses on the applicability of the statute to contracts involving vague or imprecise terms, like "forever," which should be researched. More importantly, your original promise to love was that -- a promise, not a contract. To be enforceable, a contract must extract consideration for performance -- i.e, a thing of value that will be given to you in exchange for what you offer to give up. While you may have promised love indefinitely, it was not (as stated) in return for something else, and thus your offer cannot be enforced against you, either at law or equity.

So there!