let's get stupid
I keep injuring myself.
Years ago, I called home from college to tell my parents I had sprained my ankle. My Dad's first question: "Did you fall off a shoe?" I have lately been damaging myself in similarly girly ways.
First, I cut my finger while cooking, and then split it open again while putting on tights, and again while detangling my hair. And then I slammed my thumb in a Pilates Reformer machine -- this, after years of making fun of Pilates, which it turns out I disliked just as much as I thought I would. And then I was actually injured by my own bracelet -- a big, hinged, metal bangle that clamps around the wrist, normally leaving plenty of space between my skin and the hinge -- except, apparently, when I clap at my own comedy show, thereby jangling the bracelet enough that it snaps open and closed again on my lower arm.
Just watch my stab myself in the eye with an eyelash curler. Those work better if you heat them up on the stove, right?
p.s. - In keeping with the "let's get stupid" title above, my credit card company put a security block on my card after I made a $49 purchase at a local Staples. Because that's sooo suspicious. The customer service representative (in Bangalore) seemed miffed by my argument: That's what credit cards are for. Could I really do anything less suspicious with my credit card?
Years ago, I called home from college to tell my parents I had sprained my ankle. My Dad's first question: "Did you fall off a shoe?" I have lately been damaging myself in similarly girly ways.
First, I cut my finger while cooking, and then split it open again while putting on tights, and again while detangling my hair. And then I slammed my thumb in a Pilates Reformer machine -- this, after years of making fun of Pilates, which it turns out I disliked just as much as I thought I would. And then I was actually injured by my own bracelet -- a big, hinged, metal bangle that clamps around the wrist, normally leaving plenty of space between my skin and the hinge -- except, apparently, when I clap at my own comedy show, thereby jangling the bracelet enough that it snaps open and closed again on my lower arm.
Just watch my stab myself in the eye with an eyelash curler. Those work better if you heat them up on the stove, right?
p.s. - In keeping with the "let's get stupid" title above, my credit card company put a security block on my card after I made a $49 purchase at a local Staples. Because that's sooo suspicious. The customer service representative (in Bangalore) seemed miffed by my argument: That's what credit cards are for. Could I really do anything less suspicious with my credit card?
posted by JenIsFamous at 2/28/2008 01:46:00 PM
3 Comments:
Oh Jen... we're going to need to get you a crash helmet!
Great. Now next time someone asks me how my sister is doing I can say "Well, she got her ass kicked by the act of cooking, a pair of tights, her hair, a Pilates Reformer, and her own bracelet. And that is INDIVIDUALLY, not in some sort of organized attack."
Also, what the fuck is a Pilates Reformer? Am I to believe that Pilates was in some way corrupt and was in need of some improvement or amendment?
For the record, I believe Pilates is completely fabricated. That is not real working out.
Could it be karma?
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