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On Wednesday, I held the first-ever Math Bee at Chelsea Mind Games. Thanks to contestant Rich Zwelling for this link to Hard & Phirm's Pi Song:



I once had the pleasure of performing with Hard & Phirm at a show in LA, although they did not bring their, um, pi robot.

And now, for your mathematical pleasure, here are some of the questions I wrote for this week's Math Bee!

You are going to have two babies, one at a time, and you have a high incidence of hermaphroditism in your family. If each baby you have has an equal chance of being a boy, a girl, or a hermaphrodite, what are your chances of having two girls in a row?

1/9
1/4
2/3

If you have three pairs of leather pants, five mesh shirts, and two ball-gag-and-bridle combos, how many different outfits do you have to wear to the fetish club?

10
30
60

If, during a dry spell, you drive 50 mph for 300 miles to have sex with your ex from high school, and then you drive back via the same route but at 60 mph, what is your average speed for the trip?

54.5 mph
55 mph
56.5 mph

If there is a 1 in 10 chance you’ll be fatally run over by the A train, and a one in 5 chance you’ll be fatally stabbed in front of your local bodega, what are the chances that you will EITHER be fatally hit by the A train OR be stabbed to death?

1 in 15
2 in 15
3 in 10

Avis wants to charge you $450 for a car rental. Your Mensa membership will get you 10% off but cannot be combined with any other discounts. A coupon you found in Cat Fancy magazine will get you $30 off, and can be combined with your mother’s 5% AARP discount, since you and she conveniently share the same name. Or, you can go to Hertz, and pay only $412. Which is the best deal?

10% off from Mensa
$20 off plus 5% AARP
$412 at Hertz

If you have slept with three people who have crabs, and you have a one in two chance of getting it from each one, what are the chances you have crabs?

1/8
1/2
7/8

You are trying to cut down on your spending, so you only buy new high heels on days of the month that are prime numbers (and only one pair per day). How many pairs of high heels will you buy in June?

10
11
12

The dildo store is having a sale – however many inches long the dildo is, you get that percent off the price! If a five-inch dildo is originally $20 and a 10-inch dildo is originally $40, how much do you pay when you splurge on both?

$45
$54
$55

You have slept with 19 people. You told your mother you have slept with only 3. You told some people in a bar you have slept with 35. When you went in for an AIDS test, you decided only to count things that have happened since your last AIDS test, so you put down the number as 16. By how much is the average of your lies off from the truth?

1
3
11

You pay $1100 a month for your apartment. Someone offers you a spot in a loft in Brooklyn 50 blocks from any train, for just $900/month. You will have to walk to or from the train twice per day. For every 1000 blocks you walk, you will have to buy a new pair of shoes. The shoes cost $50. Figuring in the cost of the new shoes you will need to buy, is the new apartment a good deal?

Yes, I will save $50 per month
Yes, I will save $150 per month
No, I will lose money or the quantities will be the same