Jewel said "I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way." I could kick her ass.

A few New York observations:

People often comment that "when you give money to the homeless, they just use it for alcohol and drugs." No one ever thinks "when you give money to the homeless, they just put it into the 25-cent-per-minute peep shows in Times Square."

I thought this yesterday as the Intrepid Young Journalist and I were walking into the west side 40th St. and 8th Ave. entrance to the A/C/E, where there is a porn store with an entrance from inside the subway station, making it sort of look as though the store is sponsored and endorsed by the MTA. That subway entrance is both porn-gross and smelly-gross, and I said something like, "Oh, what a nice corner; it reminds me of masturbation and the homeless at the same time!" The IYJ said my peep-show observation was "probably spot-on." (Not that there's anything wrong with the homeless having sexual needs, even if I don't care to think about it in the subway on my way to the newest Harmony Korine film at IFC Center. I'm just pointing out that there are many ways people with ample free time can spend a little change).

Related to the MTA and its serious, serious problems:

Could the 1 train become any less frequent? Are you exercising your great sense of irony that the most sporadic, crowded train ever is the one on which every fresh-scrubbed kid ever is carrying a cello? Could you please stop cutting out local stops on the 6 (only above 96, lest you piss off wealthy white people) on the weekends? Could you stop closing all the Times Square subway entrances at 40th St., but leaving the gates open, so that a constant influx of tourists (and forgetful locals) wanders down there and wonders why people are coming out of the gates, but no one can get in, regardless of the balance on his or her Metrocard?

And speaking of Metrocards -- why do I seem to be the only one on the planet who thinks the MTA should just DOUBLE the price of the subway, provide fare breaks for people on public assistance, and fix all these fucking problems?

Seriously, if you live in the 'burbs, how much per month do you spend on your car? When I lived in Virginia, I spent something like $450 per month for a car payment, insurance, gas, and repairs, and I'm pretty sure gas is way more expensive now. If the price of an unlimited Metrocard were doubled, it would still be under $175. You can always find somebody to give tear-jerker quotes to the NY Post, as has happened every time subway fares have gone up, but the mere fact that somebody, somewhere can't afford something doesn't mean that the price is unjust. Make a box of Cheerios fifty cents, and I can find you someone who will cry to the NY Post about not having fifty cents for Cheerios. $175 a month to go wherever you want, 24 hours a day, would not be unreasonable, provided no one ever got to the L platform and saw the fancy new electronic sign say "Next L Train: 31 Minutes."

And finally, I was just reminded of something that disappointed me long ago, when I had just moved to New York:

For those tempted to try a Jamaican beef pattie (recognizable throughout suburban America as a "hot pocket," except spicy and not made in a microwave, and furthermore inserted into "coco bread," despite the fact that the pattie already comes encased in its own crust), "coco bread" contains neither cocoa nor coconuts. It's just a damn hamburger bun, deriving its name from the fact that it is split like a coconut in order to insert the beef pattie, which is both spicy-hot and temperature-hot. Thus, you are actually eating sloppy, fatty meat filling contained in a DOUBLE LAYER of empty carbs, at least one of which is made with additional beef fat. Don't go there.

I am grumpy today, aren't I? I shall now lighten up this post with a picture of a "Peep Show":