quick press hit

Aww, check me out on the McBrooklyn blog.

Random Hit of the Day

I once dated someone who ran off and won an Emmy and then ran off to write a humor book about racism under a pseudonym, getting a cover quote from Jon Stewart and hiring a decades-older actor to portray the "author," and now, this: a contest to come up with your own racist stereotype.

Such as: "The Poles diaper their babies in butcher paper."

it's still raining McCain

McCain's first television ad for the general election refers to him as "The American president Americans have been waiting for." Really? In America? For Americans? An American president in America for Americans in America?

It sounds like the Onion wrote this to mock Republicans.

rub the belly for luck

I thought my reaction to this ad was kind of funny:


It's advertising lotions for different stages of life: pregnancy and motherhood, first signs of aging, and post-menopause. My first reaction: Oh, they got the first two out of order!

Who these days has pregnancy and motherhood before "first signs of aging"?

Pete's show on BCAT

Here is a photo of my friend's TV screen, showing "Monday Night at Pete's Candy Store" on Brooklyn Cable Access Television! Here is the schedule -- we're on Mondays at midnight.

you wouldn't happen to be in New Hampshire, would you?

Note: This show is for Dartmouth students only. I post it here only to show you the hilarity of this poster.

I love to stop into out-of-the-way municipal airports for a little food court lunch

I told Orbitz.com I wanted to fly from "NYC" (the airport code that includes JFK, LaGuardia, and Newark) to Lebanon, NH, and Orbitz offered me a flight that went from Newark, to Pittsburgh, TO LAGUARDIA, to New Hampshire. With a layover in Pittsburgh.

Once I told Orbitz I wanted to leave from LaGuardia (whatever), it offered me a direct flight for $100 less. WTF?

why I am barely listening to you

I seem to have my very first ear infection -- in my late freaking twenties!

Having never had an ear infection as a child, when I woke up this morning deaf in one ear, I assumed it was related to the mild hangover I was experiencing as a result of going back for seconds on the vodka-spiked protein shake I was drinking last night.

But my mini-hangover was gone with my first glass of water and mug of coffee, yet my ear felt like it was full of water. I kept messing with it. I took a nap, hoping it would magically fix itself. I was on the phone with my brother and, without thinking about it, switched the phone to my weird-feeling ear, and my cell reception immediately went bad -- my brother sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I missed everything he said. Then I realized that it probably wasn't the phone.

"Brian!" I said, "Say something, like two sentences!" I put the phone back on my half-deaf side, and sure enough -- Charlie Brown's teacher. When I explained, Brian said that that did sound like an ear infection, and suggested I get that looked at right away.

I almost never see doctors, so tomorrow I'm going to track one down at my favorite walk-in medical provider. Fun! I feel like I'm five.

I am glad this graphic I found on the internet reassures me with the fact that adult women can also get ear infections. She has nice eyebrows. Or, at least, eyebrow.

Update: I do not have an ear infection. Seriously, I found a late-night clinic. I have nerve damage. Which one of you hit me in the head, causing me to forget that you hit me in the head?

Further Update: The otolaryngologist says random virii cause this all the time. I'm better now.

"nother"

Do when do you think "nother" is going to make it into the dictionary as its own word? As in, "After using up so much ice cream, we're going to need a whole nother carton." Can I even tell you how often I hear people splitting "another" with adjectives?

Women's Comedy Brigade: Have a Renegade Comedy Show in Your Office or Living Room

My web designer is in Buenos Aires, and it's so cute that when I go into my website code, I have to put the content in the "contenida" area, and I have a web form named "maile.php." It's like I'm being forced to learn!

Speaking of the internet, check out my new project:

WomensComedyBrigade.com

It's raining McCain

This made me laugh out loud. You have to hang in til 2:01, when the lead "singer" actually splashes her face with little McCains.



Also, the green-screen was done kind of badly, so the older lady is sometimes partly invisible.

Might as well follow up the not-super-fond-of-McCain-ness with "John McCain and Miss South Carolina":

Isn't "crazy pastor" a bit redundant?

From HuffPo, Sam Harris calling it like it is, on Obama, crazy pastors, why religion is poisoning our democratic process, and those obnoxious Creflo A. Dollar ads on the subway.

In other news, I received Obama earrings (and a pin!) in the mail today, compliments of Don and Michelle, who sell them on Etsy. They also sell McCain jewelry, which I doubt is selling as well.

Obamarama: poorly-targeted Google ads

Every time I write about Barack Obama, ads like this appear on my blog:

Seriously. "Canditate."

I clicked on this link and ended up here ("Barack Obama EXPOSED! He's an OBAMANATION!" Um, cool. I could use an "Obamanation." Sorry your pun backfired).

I am amused at the illogic of spending advertising dollars promoting Obama smears on a pro-Obama (Pro-bama!) website that is also obsessed with grammar and spelling.

One more thing -- have you ever seen a bad photo of Barack Obama? You know how every conservative rag in the country constantly publishes bug-eyed crazy-lady photos of Hillary Clinton? (I am certainly not saying that this is related to my support of one candidate over another; in fact, while Clinton is not my preferred candidate, I do wish she were not so prone to appearing insane in photographs, so that conservatives would have to address her more on the issues). Well, even when a rag that publishes Ann Coulter's crappy column tries to create an Obama smear website, this is the worst picture they can come up with:


Seriously, does that man ever look anything other than competent, collected, and reassuring?

I certainly don't vote based on photogenicism, but I can't really complain that my candidate has the JFK effect.

photo from the set of the pilot I was filming in LA

Thanks to my fellow cast member whose identity also must be kept a secret, lest I compromise both the show and the time-space continuum.

Jen on TV, the SAT, and politics

I'm back in New York. The pilot went smashingly, although if I told you any more, I'd still have to kill you. I'd never worn fake eyelashes for two days straight before, nor had I ever worn them as early in the day as 10am.

My SAT students got their scores back today, and two of them scored 2330s (out of 2400). Amazing.

I can't stop giving money to Barack Obama. From today's email about Obama's having to fight McCain and Clinton at the same time:

Senator Clinton and Senator McCain are reading from the same political playbook as they attack Barack on foreign policy.

They have both criticized Barack's commitment to act against top al Qaeda terrorists if others can't or won't act.

And they have both dismissed his call for renewed diplomacy as naïve while mistakenly standing behind George Bush's policy of non-engagement that just isn't working.

But most of all -- after five years of overwhelming evidence that we are less safe, less able to shape events abroad, and more divided at home -- Senator Clinton and Senator McCain are failing to address the consequences of a war they both supported that should have never been authorized and never been waged.

We need a leader who had the judgment to oppose this war before it began and who has a clear plan to end it.

Hillary, as Democrats go, you're our Republican.

Jen videoblogs from LA: Boobs vs. Legs

The News: Jen on TV

I am flying to LA on Sunday to film a network pilot for a reality show. I am one of seven co-stars. If I told you any more, the network execs would have to kill us both. I don't know what the chances are that this thing makes it to television, but I'll obviously keep you abreast.

In additional exciting news, "Monday at Pete's Candy Store," a 28-minute television version of my comedy show at Pete's, will soon begin airing on Brooklyn Cable Access Television Mondays at midnight.

shrunken heads (in a good way)

Aww... I saw these Obama earrings in the newspaper.


I think the matching necklace might be a little much. Perhaps Obama earrings will be the "I like Ike" button of our era.

I wish I needed an abortion just so I could support this business

A weird Google ad popped up on a page I was looking at and ... Dr. Emily is offering the happiest-looking abortions I've ever seen! And who wouldn't want their abortion provided by "Dr. Emily"? It's like the big sister who helped you with your period fifteen years ago has now graduated from medical school! You can even take a virtual tour of the office. It's like the My Little Pony of Abortions.


Brilliant idea: Why hasn't someone started a flower-powered abortion clinic franchise?

2.5 seconds of my inner monologue

Last night near Times Square, I was walking down a long block and chewing some gum I didn't particularly want anymore, but there wasn't a trash can nearby.

At just that moment, I realized that, walking towards me on the sidewalk was a woman dressed in a jumpsuit, pushing a trash can on wheels. For a millisecond, I had the thought that I'd put my gum in that trash can, but then I immediately realized that that would be very rude, and then I thought how unpleasant it probably was to have to be the only lady among all the jumpsuit-wearing employees of the Times Square Alliance, and then I remembered I had once seen another lady, or perhaps the same lady, that time in daylight, wearing a red jumpsuit and pushing a trash can, and I had admired the way she had coordinated her red lipstick with her red jumpsuit, and then I had the flicker of a thought that I could ask if I could put something in her trash can, and then rejected that thought as being awkward and stupid, and the gum obviously wasn't a very big deal anyway, and then I had the thought that what if she thought it was a weird, gross come-on -- Can I put my trash in your trash can? -- and then I felt sad that maybe someone had said that to her once, and then I thought, maybe I'm the only person in the world who even would think of that, and what does that say about me, and then I was reminded of a comedy act that Todd Levin had once done at the WYSIWYG show about having sex with a woman whose idea of dirty talk was too dirty and in fact even involved a toilet-cleaning metaphor, and by then I was at another trash can and that hardworking woman was, thankfully, out of reach of my inner monologue.

Obamarama

Last night Hillary won three out of the four states that had primaries or caucuses, and that made me very sad, even though Obama has firmly held his delegate lead. As an entirely welcome email from the Obama campaign read:

Our projections show the most likely outcome of yesterday's elections will be that Hillary Clinton gained 187 delegates, and we gained 183.

That's a net gain of 4 delegates out of more than 370 delegates available from all the states that voted.

For comparison, that's less than half our net gain of 9 delegates from the District of Columbia alone. It's also less than our net gain of 8 from Nebraska, or 12 from Washington State. And it's considerably less than our net gain of 33 delegates from Georgia.

(As a side note, I like how the Obama campaign sends me messages with normal human email conventions. The email above was titled "The math." I also received one titled "What happened last night" and signed "Barack").

I felt especially bad about mini-Super-Tuesday because I had clicked on some buttons on the Obama website and indicated that I might be willing to call people in Texas from my house, but honestly I've always been terrified of calling strangers on the phone, and really, isn't that why a person has a comedy career and a blog and such, so I never have to talk to someone on the phone who doesn't already want to talk to me? So I just froze in the face of calling strangers, and now I feel like Texas is my own damn fault.

So I just went and donated another $300. That means I've donated $500 so far, which is by far the most I've ever donated to a political campaign.

This, in my view, is how feminism happens: women have to make money and use it to make the things they want to happen, happen, and then tell everyone about it.

"We can debate John McCain about who can clean up Washington by nominating a candidate who's taken more money from lobbyists than he has, or we can do it with a campaign that hasn't taken a dime of their money because we've been funded by you."

Go donate to Obama or I can't sit with you in the lunchroom anymore

The Gay Agenda EXPOSED

This Lays ad is BLATANT PROPAGANDA FOR LESBIANISM.
I, for one, am appalled. And strangely hungry for salty snacks.

Cunnilingus ... no one can have just one?

Monday Evening Stand-Up: Feb. 25th

Featuring Stacia Jensen, R.G. Daniels, Joselyn Hughes, and D.C. Pierson.

As you can see, at this past show I'm more blathering about the election than doing that thing some people call "telling jokes," but if you make it past me, all four of the comics on this video have really sweet little clips, ending with D.C. Pierson (who is very white) claiming to be "2007's Top Urban Comic as Awarded by Cat Fancy Magazine."