the luxury of not caring what time it is

Someone once said that the ultimate luxury in a Manhattan apartment is simply empty space. It's not the objets d'art or the furniture; it's the clean, empty surfaces and elegant expanses in between the furniture.

Someone has now (rather cheekily, I think) invented a $300,000 watch that doesn't tell the time. Because, as Romain Jerome says, " An avant-garde approach, that is different and even disturbing. Surely the ultimate luxury would be to take one’s time?"

Next: a trash can that won't hold trash -- because everything you touch is fucking gold.

This Wednesday: Win Boozes of the World

By which I mean that the prizes for the Geography Bee do, in fact, consist of Boozes of the World.

Come! Don't be intimidated by the geography thing -- co-host Meg and I are keeping it pretty sane and general-knowledge. Two girls spinning a globe and distributing liquor? Fun!

Video from Chelsea Mind Games

why panda meat is so expensive

My friend Megan's brother took these photos in a zoo in China.

Chelsea Mind Games is every Wednesday henceforth!

Photos by Brian Van of last night's Chelsea Mind Games Vocabulary Bee, co-hosted by Jonathan Lill.

my new show is a TimeOut pick!

Wednesday, April 23rd: first-ever Vocabulary Tournament!

For those of you who find it easier to make your way to events in Manhattan...

For those of you who always balked at coming along to a spelling bee...

I now present the first-ever Vocabulary Tournament at Chelsea Market!

---

This Wednesday, April 23rd
Chelsea Market, 75 9th Ave bet. 15th and 16th
(In the main area - just walk in the front door and keep walking straight, about halfway through the building - we are situated right in between a beer vendor and an espresso bar)

6:30pm - Articulate Music by vaudevillian Al Duvall
7-8:30 - Vocabulary Tournament - Open to the first 20 signups! Co-hosted by librarian and spelling winner Jonathan Lill.
8:30-9 - The Know-It-All Show
9-10 Closing Set by Al Duvall

The Vocabulary Tournament will consist of a mix of synonyms questions (Which word means 'talkative'?, followed by four options), themed questions (How many babies = septuplets? What anniversary is a vigentennial?), and opportunities to define words or use them in a sentence in a manner either correct, or humorous, or both. All are welcome (open to first 20 signups).

"The Know-It-All Show," in which an "expert" is interviewed on some thing we all might learn to do ourselves -- this week, burlesque illustrator Molly Crabapple will teach us all "how to draw the female figure." There will be a live model.

Come, resplendent in your pulchritude and alacrity!

ChelseaMindGames.com

the breakfast of champions: verbs

Courtesy of the other Jennifer Dziura...

Mercer for President 2008

"This guy eats verb tenses for breakfast!"

Three Things I Learned the Hard Way

Abbi Crutchfield has blog-tagged me, which apparently indicates a request that I address the topic of "Three Things I Learned the Hard Way" (here is Abbi's list, complete with childhood anecdotes). Mine is much more compact:

Three Things I Learned the Hard Way

1. Foolproof business models: buy objects in bulk, sell them individually for more; provide personal services to the wealthy; give seminars that people think will help them become rich. Bad business models: lots of other stuff; disposable socks; my first company.

2. The comedy world is much like dating: if you seem needy, no one wants you; if you seem in demand, everyone wants you.

3. Screw the environment, the plastic applicators are worth it.

"Is Barack Obama the new Rocky Balboa?"

Whoa. Of course Rocky lost, mind you, but this video is still amazing!

Iraq War sesquipedalianism

Dick Cavett is a national treasure.

Here, he takes on the atrocious misuse of language by Iraq War orchestrators Petraeus and Crocker.

Quoth Cavett, "I find it painful to watch this team of two straight men, straining on the potty of language."

BCAT and the Spelling Bee make the news!

I'm in the Brooklyn Paper ... dressed as Wonder Woman.

Eye ‘Candy’, by Adam Rathe, 4/12/08

The Williamsburg Spelling Bee is also featured on NYC24, in this cool multimedia story:

Nerdy Games Rock Bars, by Lisa Biagiotti

Pandabutt

Those of you who remember that My Mom REALLY likes panda bears might enjoy this panda bear bikini:



Although I can only imagine the level of harassment this might engender.

Hey, does your ass eat bamboo?

Zookeeper says back that azz up!

Has your ass forgotten how to mate? Because I've been sent all the way from China to remind it.

Obamarama: Spike Lee on Obama

From NYMag:

What do you think of Obama?
I’m riding my man Obama. I think he’s a visionary. Actually, Barack told me the first date he took Michelle to was Do the Right Thing. I said, “Thank God I made it. Otherwise you would have taken her to Soul Man. Michelle would have been like, ‘What’s wrong with this brother?’ ”

Does this mean you’re down on the Clintons?
The Clintons, man, they would lie on a stack of Bibles. Snipers? That’s not misspeaking; that’s some pure bullshit. I voted for Clinton twice, but that’s over with. These old black politicians say, “Ooh, Massuh Clinton was good to us, massuh hired a lot of us, massuh was good!” Hoo! Charlie Rangel, David Dinkins—they have to understand this is a new day. People ain’t feelin’ that stuff. It’s like a tide, and the people who get in the way are just gonna get swept out into the ocean.

let me upgrade ur freaking diction

I know this song is old enough for me to have blogged about songs off the same album nearly a year ago (see Beyonce is a dumbass and Beyonce is a dumbass part II*), but it is driving me insane that Beyonce misuses the word "appeasing" in "Upgrade U." As in:

I'm known to walk alone
But I'm alone for a reason
Sending me a drink ain't appeasing
Believe me

To "appease" is to make a conciliatory effort at the expense of principles, or, in casual speech, simply to pacify. From Wikipedia:

Appeasement is a policy of accepting the imposed conditions of an aggressor in lieu of armed resistance, usually at the sacrifice of principles. Usually it means giving in to demands of an aggressor in order to avoid war. Since World War II, the term has gained a negative connotation in the British government, in politics and in general, of weakness, cowardice and self-deception.

A famous example is Neville Chamberlain's foreign policy during the period 1937-1939, when he pursued a policy of appeasement towards Adolf Hitler's expansionist ambitions.

But Beyonce in this song is not angry and does not need to be appeased; she meant "appealing."

Also, as a paean to love, this song is egregiously consumerist and materialistic; switching your man's neckties to purple labels is hardly doing for him "like Martin did for the people." Can I please get some elderly black people to slap her for that?

That is all.

  

Neville! Attempting to appease this woman will
only drag Europe into protracted armed conflict!

*Obviously, the album is catchy enough that I keep listening to it, so maybe I'm the dumbass for listening to things that anger me so, and for apparently having paid money for the privilege.