yes yes yes

April 29, 2005

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy opens today!

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and maybe now we could make women’s clothing entirely from cufflinks!

April 29, 2005

I’m going to be in a fashion show for La Croix accessories next Tuesday. Here’s a picture from the last show I did for La Croix (the handbag is La Croix; the halter top made of neckties is made by, um … someone who makes halter tops out of neckties).

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because "rebounding" sounds better than "ladies jumping on trampolines"

April 26, 2005

I just did a rebounding class at the gym. The instructor was this cute little guy, queer as any rebounding instructor should be, who, while we were running in place on our trampolines, ran into the aisles between us and just started dancing all early-Micheal-Jackson style, while women cheered and whistled.

Among the music for this bouncy little party was a song that primarily consisted of the phrase “her ass is a spaceship that I want to ride,” which I found a bit disconcerting. It reminded me of working out at the gym at Dartmouth to endless repetitions of “Smack My Bitch Up.”

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the pronoun of DOOM!

April 26, 2005

After reading in the Voice this week about Stop Her Now, the Swift Boat-style advocacy group trying to take down Hillary, I did a bit of googling and discovered that arse poetica said it rather more humorously than I was going to anyway:

Calling all deconstructionists and semioticians! “Stop Her Now,” whoo. I could go on that for weeks. Her. How sinister! (Or not.) Beware the succubus! (Or not.) The witch will eat your children! (Or not.)

It’s hard to believe that in these advanced (sic) years of human evolution something as transparent, insipid, and anti-woman as this could pass the giggle test, let alone the Dark Political Overlord Come to Instill Fear of Senator Vagina Dentata Market Research test.

On another blog, Greg Sargent comments “all you need is the pronoun with this crowd, apparently.”

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she’s a Prada mechanic

April 26, 2005

Oh, how lovely — it’s an interview with big bulldyke supermodel (those are hard to find!) Jenny Shimizu. I always wondered what happened to her after her appearance in “Foxfire” (that Angelina Jolie movie based on a Joyce Carol Oates novel, unless I’m making that up and it was really a po-mo Camille Paglia production).

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go go gadget testosterone

April 26, 2005

According to the AP, more teenage girls are trying steroids “not necessarily to get an edge on the playing field, but to get the toned, sculpted look of models and movie stars.” The AP claims that “up to about 5 percent of high school girls and 7 percent of middle-school girls admit trying anabolic steroids at least once.”

I find this highly dubious. Whatever happened to just snorting coke in the girls’ room? At least it doesn’t make you grow unsightly body hair.

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wandering the desert searching for the land of grapes, honey, and a functioning logic board

April 24, 2005

My computer (the one pictured in the little spectacles picture on the front page) is sadly malfunctioning again. I think Apple should sponsor my blogging activities with a new iBook. I would promise to blog in public on the iBook while wearing cute outfits and intelligent-looking spectacles.

In any case, if you’ve been trying to reach me, please try again. I can now reply to new emails, but lots of old ones (and everybody’s addresses) are inaccessible to me until my computer arrives back from Apple repair.

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hey honeypot, want an upgrade?

April 20, 2005

An email from Apple about the release of OS 10.4 carried the subject heading “Tiger. Change how you use your computer.”

It kind of looks like they’re flirting with us. “Hey Tiger! Use OS 10.4, grrr!”

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oh no, where did I put my stock portfolio and wealthy relatives?!

April 20, 2005

I got an email asking me to fill out some kind of survey for the Dartmouth Alumni Magazine. I got through questions about my household size and income, and then I got to “net worth”; I’ll let the options speak for themselves:

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this just in — come see me read at Cornelia St.

April 18, 2005

Cornelia Street Cafe
29 Cornelia Street, West Village
New York City

Monthly Flash Fiction, Prose Poetry
& Experimental Short Forms Series

Carol Novack, Host

Wednesday, May 4, 2005, 6-8pm

GRANT JARRETT, author of the popular book “More Towels,” a memoir recounting Grantís 20 licentious years as a mediocre musician & reasonably talented letch.
&
JENNIFER DZIURA, writer, stand-up comedian, spelling bee emcee & creator of a spoken word CD.

Featured writers will read their works after an Open Mic Reading, 6-6:45 p.m. (sign up before 6). The $6 admission fee includes a free house drink.

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a man, a plan, a canal, Panama

April 18, 2005

I saw “Palindromes” yesterday, and it was truly awesome to pay $10.25 for the pleasure of having Todd Solondz make me feel excruciatingly uncomfortable for two hours. Look forward to thirteen year old girls being pressured into abortions and being called “child-whores”! And especially look forward to the gratuitous portrayal of an armless girl singing and dancing for Jesus.

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an ode to the Girdle Factory

April 16, 2005

I’ve been meaning to post this sad missive for awhile now. A few weeks ago, I was in the Girdle Factory mall on Bedford in Williamsburg and noticed the “for rent” sign on the former Girdle Factory vintage shop.

Over the last year, I did three fashion shows for the Girdle Factory, one in their store and two at the Tainted Lady lounge. As the fashion shows became more fabulous, the store developed some great posters featuring a tattooed model in vintage lingerie, and they expanded into selling sex toys. Presciently, though, I never did really see anyone buy anything there.

In any case, the Girdle Factory is gone. Long live the Girdle Factory. And here, in homage, are some previously unreleased photos by Gary Winter of the GF’s first fashion show.

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also, "friend of Hillary" sounds suspiciously like "confirmed bachelor"

April 13, 2005

I’m on the Friends of Hillary mailing list, but I must say I have not found the Senator’s email communications to be persuasive or engaging. I mean, I’m still on the team, but I just got this:

You may have read news stories this weekend about the latest right wing effort to attack Hillary in 2006….. Meanwhile, as her opponents boast about their plans, Hillary goes on working hard for the people New York to address their real needs and concerns. I thought you’d like an update on what she’s doing: Hillary joined her colleague Senator Chuck Schumer to ensure that the new fleet of presidential helicopters will be built in upstate New York.

Yes! Thank you! Please make sure presidential helicopters will be built in upstate New York! I have no creater concerns for truth and justice in America than this!

I only hope that someday I may be employed in the hovering-vehicle segment of the upstate New York aviation industry, and that I may be selected to labor on this contract, allowing me to personally touch the cool metal and rugged internal parts that will miraculously join together to make a helicopter in which our highest elected leader may travel in luxury and safety.

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awaken, caffeinate, and look like a movie star

April 13, 2005

Wow. When you buy coffee from FreshDirect, the recommendations box at the bottom says “You might also like: milk, cream, whitening strips.”

That’s some targeted marketing.

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I have cat hair in my eyebrows

April 13, 2005

My cat is feeling very nuzzly right now and insists on standing in front of my computer and rubbing the side of her face into my nose. So, I reached OVER the cat to check my email, and opened the Spanish Word of the Day, and it was “gato.”

Mi gata esta … meta-textual.

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