trinkets and baubles for sale

October 31, 2005

Design by Molly Crabapple, Jen-head by John Leavitt.


“Grammatically Correct Comedy” magnet
$3.99, click to buy

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new review on sarcaticsex.com (for those of you not at work right now)

October 31, 2005

An all-new space-age review is up on the Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog!

Enjoy the 5x Giga Power Space Explorer Chrome Bullet Vibe. Or not.

5x what? Giga what? You’ll have to get around your company’s internet security system to find out.

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two spelling bee items

October 31, 2005

Adriana Vink is looking forward to competing in the bee despite being less than a month old. Better study up with that alphabet blanket … for the next 20 years and eleven months!

Good Morning America got back to me — they are still filming (presumably filming other spelling bees) and will air the spot in late November.

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those Brits, with their butter and their jesting!

October 31, 2005

I had “bread and butter pudding” for dessert at Tea & Sympathy, the British restaurant in Greenwich Village. Like a heart attack in a bowl! Bread pudding with raisins drowned in an entire cereal-bowl full of buttery custard sauce!

I found a recipe here.

Bizarrely, I also found a comedy article about bread and butter pudding, in which probably half of the humor is incomprehensible to Americans, and the rest of sort of cross-cultural, except for being a five-webpage-long fake recipe.

Splash-drop three high-tablespoons of cognac into a handmade mixing-bowl. Applique the currants. Leave them in there for three to six months to make sure they’re completely exasperated. Meanwhile, slice your loaf thinly and let the slices breathe. We put them in a basket by the tennis court. For the custard, hob-heat your milk soupcons till they enquire. Wood-blend fifty grams of organic caster sugar. We wood-blend to Purcell. Though long-dead, his music soothes and thrills in just the right proportions. Leak approximately 2.5 millilitres of Madagascan vanilla essence. It’s easily available in all good foodshops in Madagascar. Pour in the beaten eggs and fluff diplomatically till the custard’s thoroughly relaxed.

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this is pretty much why I moved to New York

October 30, 2005

Last night I attended Viva Van Story’s rockabilly photo exhibit at CB’s Gallery in the presence of the delicious Lady E, Miss Molly Crabapple (who, regrettably, split before I remembered the photographic capabilities of my Treo), illustrator John Leavitt (designer of my new CD cover), Veronica Varlow of Dangerdame, The World Famous *BOB*, Juline of The Whores, and a handful of friends from college I wasn’t expecting to run into. I saw plenty of tattoos, Bettie Page and Marilyn lookalikes, and boys with clever hair.


some serious burlesque boobs!


Lady E, looking blurry but swank, swank but blurry


I’m getting nose-kissed by Veronica Varlow!

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and now, for a moment, my blog becomes highly prosaic

October 29, 2005

My Treo takes pictures! I had nothing unusual take a picture of, so here’s me and Cow:

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maybe a rumor, maybe not

October 29, 2005

Fresh from the newswire:

“Did you know that Bill Maher kind of mentioned your spelling bee on his HBO show???”

Details forthcoming.

Update from friend:

Bill Maher has this show on HBO, and the end of every show (a highlight of the show) he has these things called ‘new rules’… where he has humorous insights on news of the day.. and the LAST new rule, was something like.. NEW RULE.. ADULTS MUST STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.. and then he went off on a tangent on how adults (I guess around our generation) spend their time doing childish things like playing video games, and Halloween, etc.. and he says.. I MEAN TODAY YOU EVEN GO TO SPELLING BEES IN BARS……..

Now there’s absolutely no way someone on his writing staff didn’t read the NY Times article to get that part in there.

I concur! Bill Maher’s writing staff is vaguely aware of my presence!

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geeking out in my "QT3.14159" t-shirt

October 29, 2005

You can count in base 12 on your knuckles! What geekariffic joy! From A-Word-a-Day:

nychthemeron (nik-THEM-er-on) noun

A full period of a day and night: 24 hours.

[From Greek, a combination of nykt- (night) and hemera (day).]

Ever wondered why day and night were divided into 12 hours? The number 12 is not as random as it sounds. There are 12 moons in a year. The number 12 is easy to divide into halves, thirds, and quarters. Also, some cultures counted in base 12: three joints on each finger (thumb as the counter).

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now that I’ve said this, Apple wants me to switch back

October 29, 2005

My computer has only two USB ports, yet I have a printer, an external drive, a Treo, and an iPod that all want to be in them at once. It’s like a gangbang porn around my iBook, wherein my iBook is the girl who called for a dozen pizzas (or a dozen plumbers?), and all the technological devices have to wait around for their turns.

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YWCA comedy show poster

October 29, 2005

November 17th! All-women comedy for the YWCA.


click to enlarge

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what I do on Friday nights

October 29, 2005

I had a drink with an old friend for about an hour and a half tonight, and that’s about the only time I’ve torn myself away from my desk. Sometimes I forget I live on top of a sandwich shop and I can stop to feed myself during sandwich-making business hours.

I am going to accomplish ten more to-do list items before bed. Let’s see how it goes. (When you set a number as your to-do goal, you never do things like “write a treatment for my new screenplay.” You do stuff like “pay the phone bill online.” Ah, well, more time to work on a screenplay later. Incidentally, in my new screenplay, I am a kung fu librarian. This is awesome, but it’s a good year down my to-do list).

Update: Here are my ten items:

  • update the spelling blog (our winners are now winning tickets from the 25th Annual Putnam Country Spelling Bee musical!)
  • write season 3 spelling bee press release
  • work on press kit
  • fill out Treo rebate form
  • put Treo software on computer and try to sync
  • um … four more really lame things so I can sleep

You know what’s kind of not hip and glamorous? I am making steel-cut oats for tomorrow morning in my crockpot. It apparently will cook the oats all night so I have oatmeal in the morning (steel-cut is healthier than instant). Sexy!

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addendum to the Playgirl post

October 29, 2005

I hope I haven’t inadvertently sent out the message that anyone I might date needs to look like a Playgirl model. I am keeping my personal and professional lives very separate here. In fact, I would strongly prefer that anyone I actually date have absolutely zero photographs of himself covered in body oil.

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casting for Playgirl (really)

October 29, 2005

The photographer for the Playgirl shoot has had a hard time finding the right male model. If you are a male model or look like one, are available for work in New York, and wish to appear nude in Playgirl for pay, you may email photos to playgirl@jenisfamous.com. Please send face and NON-NUDE body shots (swimsuit or underwear). We are looking for a “college boy”/Abercrombie type, young and muscular.

These photos will be viewed by a casting person, so please do not think I have invited anyone to send their steamy photos to me directly. If I want to look at sexy boys, I won’t be doing it over email.

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here would be an okay place for a "gaydar" joke

October 28, 2005

George Takei, Sulu from the original Star Trek, has come out of the closet! Apparently, aside from hiding his homosexuality all these years, he was also interned in a camp for Japanese-Americans during World War II. How much does one man have to take? Anyway, he looks pretty stylin’.

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I have to donate money to charity now to apologize for saying what I just said

October 28, 2005

A friend of mine who works at UNICEF attended a press conference with “Whoopi Goldberg, Sir Roger Moore and Kami the HIV positive muppet from South Africa.”

I had to look this up, but it’s absolutely (positively?) true.

Maybe Kermit could join her on the show for a heartfelt rendition of “It’s Not Easy Being Immunosuppressed.”

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I have to admit, in case of fire, I would prefer to be rescued by large, male firefighters

October 28, 2005

I scheduled an appointment for the cable company to come fix my cable. The technician they sent is an old lady. She had to stop on the fourth floor because she couldn’t climb to a fifth-floor walkup. She spent at least five minutes just sitting in a chair in my apartment, recovering.

She sounds like a native English speaker, though, which is a big plus.

Update: She totally fixed that shiznit.

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I’ve got a new robot spleen, too

October 27, 2005

I just got a Treo. I am overwhelmed by technology. When I got my iPod last month, I accidentally deleted the iPod playlist, and now I can’t figure out how to change what’s on the iPod at all. I got a voice recorder for the iPod and recorded some comedy but I haven’t figured out how to get the comedy off the iPod.

Now, more technology. I signed up for a Frappr map. You can go here and add yourself, and then I can see little pinpoints on the map for all of you. Isn’t that neat? Or, it could be, if some of you go add yourselves.

Add yourself to my Frappr map!
Update: Some of you have started adding yourselves to the map! See, it is neat! Maybe if enough people add themselves, I’ll know where to go on tour! If you want me to come to your city, just get some other people near you to map themselves. This is a superb use of technology, although I have a hard time imagining who but me would actually find this useful. I mean, if you’re using it to map people you know, well … don’t you already know where your friends live? Thanks, Frappr, for making this technology available; I like you even though you dislike the orthodox usage of vowels in English.

More Update: This is probably amazing only to New Yorkers, but my Treo sends text messages on the subway. You know how sometimes you get a bit of reception on the platform or stopped at a station? I wrote a message on my Treo while on the 6 and tried to send the message. On my old phone, a message that can’t be saved is saved to “Drafts” and then I would have to go find it again later and remember to send it. Instead, my Treo conveniently informed me that the text message would be sent automatically next time I was on the network. And then, without bothering me one bit, my Treo kept trying, patiently, in the background, and then surprised me at the 86th St. stop with a notice that the message had sent.

I am an all-out cyborg. I am having my eyes replaced with robot eyes that will see into all of your fragile organic souls.

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friends of Dorothy are friends of Playgirl

October 27, 2005

The photographer for Playgirl is still sending me photos to see if I think the models are hot. She sent two and asked what I thought. “A five out of ten and a gay out of ten,” I replied.

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friends of Neal Pollack read my blog

October 27, 2005

Another entry in the JenIsFamous $50 Photo Contest — J.D. Finch is reading JenisFamous in his glasses. How’d he do that?

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Everybody needs friends. Even satirically-minded marital aid reviewers.

October 27, 2005

The Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog now has its own MySpace membership. Go make friends!

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