my celebrity matches
June 4, 2006
I have been amusing myself a great deal with myheritage.com, a website on which one can upload a photo of oneself and see what celebrities one resembles.
I shall now take you on a photo tour of my results.
The first photo of myself that I uploaded yielded matches to a great number of Asian women, which I found curious. Hasn’t anyone seen my seriously sharp and pointy nose?
I tried another photo, and again, more Asian women…
…but also Shannen Doherty, who is the celebrity I’ve most often been said to look like, even though in this photo of her, the weird off-centeredness of her features is really obvious (i.e., bitch is busted):
…and, more disturbingly, Joan Crawford! (Side note: Once, as a teenager, I sarcastically called my mother “mommy dearest” and couldn’t understand why she got so mad. I had never heard of the movie).
So I tried another photo, and was told I look like Drew Barrymore…
…when she was five! And also, mysteriously…
Missy Elliott!
Kathy Bates!
And … Alfred Hitchcock? And here I was thinking I was good for another ten years, then I might spring for, say, microdermabrasion or some lip collagen. But, if this is it, I give up.
So, I tried again with one more photo, and got some more promising results:
My legs are securely crossed in this photo, I assure you.
I think Josephine Baker and I share a love of eye makeup more than anything, but okay.
And finally — this, I think, is rather inspired. Bebe Neuwirth! Nice.
Update: Jenisfamous comes clean
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Okay, Jen, so I did it, and here’s what I got:
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Sting
two people I’ve never heard of
Jet Li
more people I’ve never heard of
Carson Daly
George Clooney
Which amazes me because people who meet me who think I remind them of someone pretty much always say it’s one of three (two, really) people:
Larry Miller (comedian)
Larry David (comedian)
and George Costanza (not Jason Alexander who played the part, they always say George Costanza)– a character modelled after Larry David.
I don’t think I look like any of them (although I won’t argue with people who say I look like George Clooney, even though I disagree).
If you want to see the photo I uploaded, it’s on my website (www.BrainChampagne.com).
And Jen, it might be the coloring of your photo that the site finds resenbles Asians– dark hair and light skin.
Alfie Hitchcock had no nipples? then how does he know where to put the clamps???
I ended up with a 71% match with a young Pele, the awesome Brazilian football legend. I also had Jet Li and Lucy Liu.
I don’t think you’re going to look exactly like your matches. The results just look for close face ratios.
And Jen, I always thought you looked Chinese.
I think you look the most like Missy Elliot. Especially in the picture where you’re eating watermelon.
Oh no you didn’t!
Yes, okay, so I tried this little myheritage thing, and here’s what I got:
Catherine Devenue
Jayne Mansfield
Fabio Cannavaro
Anastacia Mysinka
Tarja Turunen (?)
Anthony Keidis
Three people I didn’t know…
Hmmmm…
Tried a different photo, got:
Laura Dern (at a whopping 72%)
Sarah Jessica Parker
Lisa Kudrow
ANGELINA JOLIE (!!!!!!!!)
Andee McDowell
Strom Thurmond (huh?!?)
Paris Hilton (let me just crawl into a corner and die now…)
Angelina Jolie…damn…at 60% too, not bad, if I do say so myself…I do where a lot of black tank tops and want to go to Africa…hmmm…
I can actually see the Catherine Devenue and Laura Dern..maybe a little bit of the Sarah Jessica on a really good day, but the rest? Not so much…
It did say Nicole looks like Kelly Clarkson and Lindsey Lohan. That made me laugh. Quite a bit.
I can’t believe there wasn’t one pee wee hermann
[...] fear this post might exacerbate suspicions of a strange relationship I may or may not have with Asian people. Oh, and also this.p.s. – Can you tell I write the post titles after I write the [...]