a few brief notices

November 30, 2006

  • I have (finally!) updated the front page of my website. New photo, new comedy clip, tour and show information that is more closely correlated with reality.

  • As indicated at right, I will kick your ass.

    Thanks to Aeric for the new front page header photo and the one at right, thanks to John Leavitt for the comedy poster, and thanks to Ryan B. for the photos used in the poster.

  • Are you in Boston? Now would be a good time to join the mailing list (tell us your city, please!)
  • “Balsamic” is overrated as a flavor.

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male contraceptive pill

November 29, 2006

As many of you have undoubtedly read in today’s news, British scientists have developed a new male contraceptive pill.

This new pill can be taken as a one-off contraceptive a few hours before sex and would “prevent a man from being able to impregnate a woman, but within a few hours his fertility would return to normal.”

According to the Daily Mail:

This would make it much more acceptable to men than other ‘male pills’ under development, which alter hormone levels and have to be taken over the long term.

Hmmn. Okay. You know how sometimes when you want to tell someone something uncomfortable, you kind of hide it in a bunch of other facts? “It’s your birthday! I got you this DVD and we’re breaking up and LOOK, A CAKE!”

However the new pill being researched by scientists at King’s College London, contains chemicals that prevent ejaculation and could be in tablet-form.

Riiight … men find altering their hormones “unacceptable” (might make you moody like a woman!), but a pill that “prevents ejaculation” is perfectly okay? What? But LOOK IT’S IN TABLET FORM!

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Skanks on a Plane

November 29, 2006

Here is some voiceover work I did for The Bob & Tom Show in August. (I didn’t write any of this, and the other female voices are not me — in fact, I only first heard the not-me parts when I received a CD of the clip in the mail).

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Skanks on a Plane!

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a model of vacancy

November 28, 2006


This is me getting my makeup done by makeup artist Tiffany Bartok. Photo by Aeric Meredith-Goujon.

Stepford Wife or Fembot? You decide!

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Britney Spears does not know the difference between "loose" and "lose"

November 28, 2006

When I was in high school, a rather pretty and popular girl put up a poster as part of her campaign for some kind of class office.

The poster featured a series of three stick figures, and was intended to read:

See Mina run.
See Mina lose.
See Mina cry.
Vote for Mina!

I don’t remember if she won, but I do remember that what she actually wrote on the poster was “See Mina loose, see Mina cry.”

Oh, poor Mina.

Britney Spears has made much the same mistake. Her schoolwork — notes about Sophocles’ Antigone — is being auctioned by Christie’s. Did you know Antigone wants her brother buried because she “wants him to be able to be in the heaven of ghost”? (Note that the teacher didn’t correct that part).

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laundry mishap in Brooklyn

November 27, 2006

The people who do my laundry returned my laundry to me with the addition of a single baby sock embroidered with “Daddy’s Favorite.”

Anybody wanna loan me a one-legged baby?

Anyone want to put me in touch with the confused daddy who has my “I Love Spelling” panties?

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Tonight: The Finals!

November 27, 2006

The Williamsburg Spelling Bee Finals are tonight!


We’re bringing spelling back.

Monday, November 27
Pete’s Candy Store
709 Lorimer (Frost/Richardson)
Williamsburg
FREE
7:30pm

Top three winners from the past season’s twice-monthly bees will square off for the ultimate title. In between the rounds, short audience-participation contests (such as spelling backwards, speed-spelling, etc.) will be open to anyone. Plus, bobbyblue and Jen will perform the Williamsburg Spelling Bee theme song!

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my boobs have taken on a life of their own

November 27, 2006

My graphic designer John Leavitt made this as an outro screen for some of my videos (props to Ryan B. for the original photo).

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comics are not stupid, please do not send me hate mail*

November 27, 2006

A friend of mine recently argued that comic books are stupid: that no matter how intelligent the plotline laid on top of the pictures, the pictures are an inherent distraction from the text, and the text merely an attempt to compensate for the infantilism of the form.

Now, I knew this idea would really piss off a lot of people I know, so I emailed one of them, my Wonder Woman co-blogger Syd, who responded, in part:

The problem with most comics has nothing to do with how “intelligent” they are – it has to do with the fact that they can generally be categorized as action/adventure, science fiction, fantasy, and horror, which are genres that often require a certain suspension of disbelief and are pretty much looked down upon even in non-graphic form.

However, if you are willing to accept comics as they are, I know of many that are as intelligent if not moreso than almost any book-without-pictures, but you have to be aware that they can be picked apart pretty easily. Have you ever really examined any novels – their word choice, how well the plot works, how much logical sense it makes, what the overall message is, how believable the characters are, etc.? The fact is that any book can be called stupid, because very few writers are really geniuses and almost none of them take everything into account. I love Shakespeare’s plays, but if you sit down and look at what the basic plots are and how the characters are developed, you might have to admit to yourself that a lot of it is pretty stupid. That’s why you should probably try to avoid arguments like this.

On the other hand, I totally agree with [so-and-so's] idea that the more pictures something has, the stupider it is. I was at an art gallery the other day, and there were pictures everywhere! They hardly had any words at all! I can only imagine the kind of moron who finds that entertaining. Then later I saw this movie called “Citizen Kane.” If you can believe it, there were about 30 pictures every second! It was one of the stupidest things I have ever seen.

(Not to imply that my original friend couldn’t develop an argumentatively sound reply on the matter, which he could; however, Syd’s answer is funny, and I’m going to leave off this discussion at its point of maximal humor value, much as one slaughters livestock in the animal’s infancy, before the dropoff in the ratio of grain feed converted to meat).

*Unless it were an actual hate-comic, which I would kind of relish for its novelty and the sheer effort put into its pretty little hate-production.

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Molly’s my crabapple

November 23, 2006

I am getting really good at appearing in other people’s books! (Here and here and now here and if McSweeney’s does another one of these, maybe they’ll include this or, even better, one of these and this).

Here is a selection about me from Molly Crabapple’s Dr. Sketchy’s Official Rainy Day Colouring Book, now on pre-order:


Click to enlarge passage mentioning “fervent lesbianism”
(What Molly doesn’t mention is that she was making plenty good money as a model, and she was still an undergraduate, and she’s five years younger than I am. I mean, there’s more she doesn’t mention, but I only talk about that when plied with alcohol).

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she who devours time

November 23, 2006

In Williamsburg yesterday, I saw a station wagon with a bumper sticker reading “Kali is my co-pilot.” Glad to see people have a sense of humor about their purported religious beliefs.

Here’s Kali, Shiva’s head in hand.
Does she look like she really wants
to co-pilot a station wagon?

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did you expect a sexy post?

November 23, 2006

When my credit card company sends me an email saying my credit score has changed by “+/- 20 points,” but doesn’t tell me the new score for security reasons, I go log in right away, like it’s freakin’ Christmas and I need to see if I got a Big Wheel or a lump of coal because, well, I’m concerned about my future mortgage.

I am such an adult.

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morality post of the day

November 21, 2006

I really object to this:


If I Did It?

How about “If I HAD Done It”?

Verb tense, folks, verb tense!

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A Brief History of Debate

November 19, 2006

I have been hired to write the Vice Magazine Guide to Debate. This is one of the deleted scenes that didn’t make it in (for being “too academic”).

A Brief History of Debate

Socrates vs. a Variety of Peddlers, Youth, and Servants
In the 4th Century B.C., Socrates enjoyed engaging common people in debates about morality, usually by asking his opponent to define a virtue, then questioning the opponent until he contradicted himself, thus inducing aporia, an awareness of one’s own ignorance. While Socrates was ultimately executed for other crimes, we can see how this might have been annoying.

Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas
During the 1858 Senatorial election in Illinois. Lincoln argued against extending slavery into new territories, while Douglas believed new territories should vote on it. (Note that neither candidate actually favored freeing current slaves). High school kids across the land now compete in “Lincoln-Douglas debate,” but fortunately, no one is made to pretend to be Douglas.

William Jennings Bryan vs. A Bunch of Other Senators
In 1896, Bryan, arguing for the free coinage of silver, delivered his famous “Cross of Gold” speech to an adoring, cane-waving public. A lesson can be taken from this great debater’s introduction of himself as “the humblest citizen in all the land … clad in the armor of a righteous cause.” While today we are little concerned with the coinage of silver in a 16-to-1 ratio to gold, we can learn from Bryan that effective debating is about the arguments, not about making ourselves look brilliant.

Richard Nixon vs. John F. Kennedy
In September, 1960, a sickly Richard Nixon showed up in a poorly-tailored suit, refused makeup, and debated golden boy JFK in the first-ever televised Presidential debate. Radio listeners thought Nixon won. Seventy-million television viewers thought otherwise. The television age was born. Smart but ugly people began pursuing work behind-the-scenes, and being Dick Cheney.

Kelly, Turbo, and Ozone vs. Some Other Breakdancers
In 1984’s Breakin’, the freeze, uprock, and jackhammer are introduced as nonverbal means of settling a dispute. If arguments fail, look around for a boombox.

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new spelling photos (you can date all my photos by the length of my hair)

November 15, 2006

Photographer Ryan B. is back! From this Monday’s spelling bee…

I look so serious! I promise there was comedy.

Tara was very, very excited to spell her word correctly.

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