Jen videoblogs from LA: Boobs vs. Legs

March 16, 2008

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The News: Jen on TV

March 14, 2008

I am flying to LA on Sunday to film a network pilot for a reality show. I am one of seven co-stars. If I told you any more, the network execs would have to kill us both. I don’t know what the chances are that this thing makes it to television, but I’ll obviously keep you abreast.

In additional exciting news, “Monday at Pete’s Candy Store,” a 28-minute television version of my comedy show at Pete’s, will soon begin airing on Brooklyn Cable Access Television Mondays at midnight.

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shrunken heads (in a good way)

March 13, 2008

Aww… I saw these Obama earrings in the newspaper.

I think the matching necklace might be a little much. Perhaps Obama earrings will be the “I like Ike” button of our era.

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I wish I needed an abortion just so I could support this business

March 11, 2008

A weird Google ad popped up on a page I was looking at and … Dr. Emily is offering the happiest-looking abortions I’ve ever seen! And who wouldn’t want their abortion provided by “Dr. Emily”? It’s like the big sister who helped you with your period fifteen years ago has now graduated from medical school! You can even take a virtual tour of the office. It’s like the My Little Pony of Abortions.

Brilliant idea: Why hasn’t someone started a flower-powered abortion clinic franchise?

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2.5 seconds of my inner monologue

March 10, 2008

Last night near Times Square, I was walking down a long block and chewing some gum I didn’t particularly want anymore, but there wasn’t a trash can nearby.

At just that moment, I realized that, walking towards me on the sidewalk was a woman dressed in a jumpsuit, pushing a trash can on wheels. For a millisecond, I had the thought that I’d put my gum in that trash can, but then I immediately realized that that would be very rude, and then I thought how unpleasant it probably was to have to be the only lady among all the jumpsuit-wearing employees of the Times Square Alliance, and then I remembered I had once seen another lady, or perhaps the same lady, that time in daylight, wearing a red jumpsuit and pushing a trash can, and I had admired the way she had coordinated her red lipstick with her red jumpsuit, and then I had the flicker of a thought that I could ask if I could put something in her trash can, and then rejected that thought as being awkward and stupid, and the gum obviously wasn’t a very big deal anyway, and then I had the thought that what if she thought it was a weird, gross come-on — Can I put my trash in your trash can? — and then I felt sad that maybe someone had said that to her once, and then I thought, maybe I’m the only person in the world who even would think of that, and what does that say about me, and then I was reminded of a comedy act that Todd Levin had once done at the WYSIWYG show about having sex with a woman whose idea of dirty talk was too dirty and in fact even involved a toilet-cleaning metaphor, and by then I was at another trash can and that hardworking woman was, thankfully, out of reach of my inner monologue.

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Obamarama

March 5, 2008

Last night Hillary won three out of the four states that had primaries or caucuses, and that made me very sad, even though Obama has firmly held his delegate lead. As an entirely welcome email from the Obama campaign read:

Our projections show the most likely outcome of yesterday’s elections will be that Hillary Clinton gained 187 delegates, and we gained 183.That’s a net gain of 4 delegates out of more than 370 delegates available from all the states that voted.

For comparison, that’s less than half our net gain of 9 delegates from the District of Columbia alone. It’s also less than our net gain of 8 from Nebraska, or 12 from Washington State. And it’s considerably less than our net gain of 33 delegates from Georgia.

(As a side note, I like how the Obama campaign sends me messages with normal human email conventions. The email above was titled “The math.” I also received one titled “What happened last night” and signed “Barack”).

I felt especially bad about mini-Super-Tuesday because I had clicked on some buttons on the Obama website and indicated that I might be willing to call people in Texas from my house, but honestly I’ve always been terrified of calling strangers on the phone, and really, isn’t that why a person has a comedy career and a blog and such, so I never have to talk to someone on the phone who doesn’t already want to talk to me? So I just froze in the face of calling strangers, and now I feel like Texas is my own damn fault.

So I just went and donated another $300. That means I’ve donated $500 so far, which is by far the most I’ve ever donated to a political campaign.

This, in my view, is how feminism happens: women have to make money and use it to make the things they want to happen, happen, and then tell everyone about it.

“We can debate John McCain about who can clean up Washington by nominating a candidate who’s taken more money from lobbyists than he has, or we can do it with a campaign that hasn’t taken a dime of their money because we’ve been funded by you.”

Go donate to Obama or I can’t sit with you in the lunchroom anymore

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The Gay Agenda EXPOSED

March 4, 2008

This Lays ad is BLATANT PROPAGANDA FOR LESBIANISM.

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Monday Evening Stand-Up: Feb. 25th

March 3, 2008

Featuring Stacia Jensen, R.G. Daniels, Joselyn Hughes, and D.C. Pierson.

As you can see, at this past show I’m more blathering about the election than doing that thing some people call “telling jokes,” but if you make it past me, all four of the comics on this video have really sweet little clips, ending with D.C. Pierson (who is very white) claiming to be “2007’s Top Urban Comic as Awarded by Cat Fancy Magazine.”

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