What I Learned About Men This Month

December 15, 2008

You know, when you go inviting people to a Man-Pageant, you learn a lot about men.  

Specifically, the men who send notice of their non-attendance because they feel threatened by the contestants, because they feel that their bodies would “scare people” if exposed, or because, simply, “that sounds castrating.”  

Not that anyone’s feelings aren’t legitimate — it’s just that, whatever the female analog to that is, women simply aren’t supposed to mind.  We are constantly surrounded by images of women way hotter than us, and we are supposed to just be cool with that.  Think about what you would think about a woman who said she were staying home from an event because it involved hot women — would you find her insecure, neurotic, unadapted to reality?  Maybe you are an awesome feminist and would find her to be an awesome feminist.  It’s possible.  But what would you actually think?

Virtually all forms of entertainment involve Sexy Ladies.  Including, for instance, the opera. Can you imagine if, every time you proposed a form of entertainment that involved Sexy Ladies, the women you knew were like, “Eh, I don’t think that’s really for me.  I’m not a Sexy Lady, therefore I cannot be around Sexy Ladies.  That event makes my ovaries shrivel.”  You know, like that one time when I was growing up that the Miss America Pageant came on TV and all the women in my family left the room because we didn’t want to be seen as lesbians.

Anyway, I like a party where the ladies are happy and the men are hired.

p.s. – Props to my BFF Molly, who listened to me talk about this over tea at my kitchen table and encouraged me to type this bitch up.

Update re: Best Response Ever: “Having made yourself a cougar legend I’m sure some young cougars will be willing to take up the work to a make a name for themselves too, and then you can just sit back and enjoy.”

Posted by jen | Filed Under Jen says 

Comments

8 Responses to “What I Learned About Men This Month”

  1. Anonymous on December 17th, 2008 5:28 am

    There are women way hotter than you?!?!?!

    AND… there are images of them?!?!?!

    :|

  2. Thebastidge on December 17th, 2008 6:02 am

    You look like fun. Do you ever make it out to the west coast?

  3. Alex Q. on December 17th, 2008 1:35 pm

    If by “women simply aren’t supposed to mind” you mean how we guys tend to wish women actually believed you when you said they were beautiful (and everything in the same ballpark of that statement), then I think that not wanting to go to an event where your body will be judged by other alpha members of the same sex is different from feeling inadequate because you perceive yourself as not as attractive as some girl in a magazine.

    I could care less what other people think, and I think you should be who you are, and not care what the media thinks you should be, but I still would decline attending or starring in a man-pageant for the same reasons your male friends gave :)

    Of course, these same men probably would love to go see a beauty pageant with a bunch of women in them. :) I for one, however, am not one of those men. so perhaps being a vast minority my point is moot.

  4. John on December 17th, 2008 3:26 pm

    What is a “young cougar”?

  5. jen on December 17th, 2008 5:06 pm

    Well, I wasn’t the one who wrote “young cougar,” but I think a younger woman could be a cougar if the men she’s cougaring are young enough. A successful 25 year old woman who’s only into adorably clueless college freshmen? An argument could be made.

  6. David Dickerson on December 17th, 2008 5:24 pm

    I couldn’t make it, I’m afraid, but I just realized I wish I had now. Because any guys who showed up for the fun of it would have been my kind of guys. I thought it was a wonderful idea and I’m sorry so many men were being nutsacks about it.

  7. Jay on December 19th, 2008 1:08 am

    Men aren’t supposed to be in beauty pageants you mediocre snotty bitch. Men produce and move society forward. Women look hot so those men have the incentive to succeed.

    Well some women anyway.

  8. Brian on December 19th, 2008 5:34 pm

    Great post; couldn’t agree with you more.

    Mikey told me about the pageant, but for some (truly legitimate) reason, which I’ve completely forgotten, I couldn’t make it. (I was likely toiling away at the ol’ nine-to-five or recuperating from an abusive work week.) At any rate, I wish I could’ve been there — insecurities and all.

    …

    Also, I’m not sure I buy into the idea of the “young cougar.” I feel like it borders a little too closely on pedophilia.

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