Finally on Twitter
December 10, 2008
Here.
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Spelling Bee on Gothamist, Nerds Under Attack!
December 9, 2008
The spelling bee is on Gothamist today! (Thanks, Billy Parker!)
The commenters are super-mean, though. “Get a more interesting social life, will ya?” Err … I was under the impression that I basically had the most interesting social life on the freaking planet. I have both a spelling bee and a Man-Pageant. Give me another year, I’ll have a Shirtless-Man Spelling-Pageant. Actually, maybe I’ll just host that one … in my apartment. It’s going to take all night to adjudicate.
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Cat Meets Socrates
December 9, 2008
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Lettuce Serve You
December 9, 2008
On my way to Starbucks this morning, I watched as one of my neighbors went down the stairs ahead of me with a cart full of heads of lettuce. Then he got down to the trash cans, stopped, and began searching through the trash cans for something. If he had found that something, I fear it would’ve gone to the same place as the lettuce — I now fear for our city’s taco contents.
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Man-Pageant Results and Photos
December 8, 2008
Welcome to the most delicious night of my life! Flickr photoset here.
The judges were on their marks — allow me to present:
From Twanna – Madame X (and Gabe going in).
Look at me, drinking moderately and keeping my organic lipstick fresh.
Bon-Bon Boy Zack can now add “professional flirter” to his modeling resume.
Orion’s such a cutie!
From Twanna – The Official Ballot!
From Twanna – I’m satiny.
With my college friends Jamie and Cara.
The talent round: Roosevelt’s fists move like lightning! Intense!
The hair! The satin pants! Gabe says he got them on eBay.
Dave gets the comedy seal of approval.
Michael’s barely breathing… others are breathing heavily.
When Moises gets that feeling, he wants … sexual healing.
Nick sings “Blue Christmas,” sounding remarkably Elvis-like, with a vibrato that prompted massive swooning. I was doing some official business at the back of the party when Nick started singing, and I actually said “Oh, my god!” and pushed through the crowd to get closer to the stage.
Foot massages for all the ladies!
Members of our esteemed judging pool, plus friends!
You WILL cuddle with Papi Shank, and it will be the most hardcore cuddle you have ever had.
Davon and his tiny dog are extremely cuddly.
Hipster hottie Gabriel takes it off, as Abbi looks alarmed!
Nice abs!
Dave was demonstrating his skill of never missing anything on the grocery list. Romantic!
This is so cute I could die. He looks like he is ready to cuddle RIGHT NOW, competition be damned.
Oh, Lorenzo — this poet has spent some time in the gym!
Nick contemplates, as a horde of hungry women demand that he take his shirt off.
Suspense…
The sound of forty women’s bodies simultaneously producing physiological responses designed to promote the continuance of the species.
From Twanna – Wow, this group shot got intense! I was pulled in at the last second — there I am on Michael’s lap.
After “Happy Birthday” is sung, I make a heartfelt, slightly tipsy speech about how I moved to New York five years ago with $400 in my pocket, and now there’s a Man-Pageant. I apparently said something about women echolocating like dolphins towards the sexy.
Oh, how I pontificate! Actually, everyone wanted to know where I found the guys. Craigslist.
Time for the winners! Davon Livingston is crowned “Mr. Cuddly.”
Dave Lester is runner-up! Abbi says “It’s looking very chocolate up here!”
And, in a clean sweep (winning with — I’m not joking — 69 points), Nick Tong wins! He gets $200 and our adoration. Revelry ensues!
Abbi refers to Nick as “honorary chocolate.”
The winners! Dave waves like Queen Elizabeth.
That’s it! Massive thanks to emcee Abbi Crutchfield, Syd and Eve, our judges, Twanna for all the blog and photo coverage, and, of course, Roosevelt, Moises, Lorenzo, Davon, Michael, Dave, Gabriel, and Nick!
See you next year — schedules permitting, Nick will be back to crown the new winner. I’ll see if I can get him to reprise “Blue Christmas.”
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Live-Blogging Coverage of the Man-Pageant
December 7, 2008
Thanks to Twanna, Audacia, and Nichelle! Technology is awesome. .
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Late-Night Post
December 7, 2008
Congratulations to Man-Pageant Winner Nick Tong! Check out Twanna’s photos here. More coverage coming after a long, long night’s sleep.
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Date-A-Cougar on Afro-Romance
December 6, 2008
Pageant judge Twanna Hines is liveblogging the pageant at FunkyBrownChick.com. Someone has way more technology than I do. I love this woman!
For added hilarity, take a look at the ads Google put on Twanna’s page about the pageant (hence the title of the post):
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Hallmark Has My Number
December 6, 2008
My aunt sent me a card that looks suspiciously like how I imagine myself to look in my dreams. But with a dog. Here’s the card and the photo of me that looks most like the card:
My mom noted that the colors of the dress and chair are reversed. My cartoon waist is so thin I can only consume non-viscous liquids.
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May the Candles on Your Cake Burn Like Cities in Your Wake
December 6, 2008
My college buddy sang this birthday song for me — it’s our traditional, er … co-ed fraternity birthday song.
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Party Like It’s 1978
December 6, 2008
One of the things my lovely mother did for my birthday was mail me some baby pictures of myself I’d never seen before! Here is me looking adorable! Also, me sticking a pacifier in my nose! Also, me looking adorable on the world’s ugliest couch (it was given to my family for free sometime around 1979, and has since been retired).
Thanks, Mom!
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Saturday’s Man-Pageant: The Contestants
December 4, 2008
The slate of contestants is complete — here are the gentlemen who will be competing in Saturday’s pageant. (Scroll down to previous posts for the invite!)
Davon is a personal trainer, model, and student hailing from St. Albans, Queens. He loves working out, spending time with friends and family, and going out to eat. As his talent, he will be reading an original love poem.
Moises is a rapper, singer, producer, and model from the Lower East Side. He is a graduate of Queens College, has modeled for Colors of Benetton, and has performed in exotic locales from South Beach to Ibiza, Spain. When asked if he’s single, Moises replied that he is “married to the game.” He will perform an original song.
Roosevelt is a model, boxer, wrestler and barber from Browesville in Brooklyn, NY. He is a military veteran who loves baked mac and cheese and reggae. He is in a relationship and is proud of being a young black father who takes care of his two girls. As his talent, he will perform a boxing demonstration.
Gabe, who hails from Brewster, MA, is a musician and a student of photography at SVA. He is single and loves The Weather Girls, the Slip n’ Slide, and modern art. He will be singing and playing acoustic guitar.
Dave is a standup comedian hailing from Queens. In addition to writing, producing, and performing comedy, he also works as an overnight Counselor for Gay and Lesbian Young Adults. He is a married father of five who loves people watching, playing softball and coaching Little League, independent movies with average looking actors, and Vodka Penne. He is a Long Island University graduate with a degree in education and has a new gig teaching comedy to disadvantaged kids. As his talent, he’ll be performing stand-up.
Lorenzo is a writer originally from Port Chester, NY. He majored in political science at SUNY Purchase, is active in politics, and is a writer of scripts, stories, and poetry; as his talent, he’ll be reading a national-award-winning poem.
Michael is a professional singer, dancer, and actor currently working at The Metropolitan Opera and dancing in a show called Nutcracker: Rated R. He will be playing the guitar and singing as his talent.
Nick is a model, singer, and actor from Macomb, Michigan who tours the country as a product specialist for Nissan. He majored in music at Wayne State University and loves spicy food, traveling, adventures, and little kids. After a near-death experience six years ago during which he had to learn to walk again after being hospitalized for three months, he is always thankful for the little things in life. He will be singing as his talent.
And … the judges!
(No photos of these very accomplished and lovely women, because, hey, this is the kind of party where the men wax everything they’ve got and the women don’t have to shave their legs if they don’t damn well feel like it).
Twanna Hines is a writer, sociologist and sexpot who has been heard on NPR, written for Nerve, reported on in Glamour, and written about by New York Magazine, Ebony, Jet, Vibe and many more.
Desiree Burch is a comedian, writer and actress and the founder of the Hysterical Festival for women in comedy.
Nichelle Stephens is a blogger, social media strategist and cupcake enthusiast. Like Gisele the supermodel, she loves the Euros, but she prefers to by laid by them instead of paid by them.
Virginia Vitzthum is an expert on online dating and author of the book I Love You, Let’s Meet. She has been heard on NPR and published in Best Sex Writing 2006.
Audacia Ray is an adjunct professor of Human Sexuality at Rutgers University. She has worked as the Executive Editor of $pread magazine and is the author of Naked on the Internet.
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Plaxico Redux
December 2, 2008
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Come to My Birthday Party + MAN-PAGEANT this Saturday Night
December 1, 2008
On December 6, I turn 30. And I finally — as Ne-Yo says — got my own. I’m celebrating my throwing the most fabulous party I can think of.
It includes:
- Male models handing out bon-bons.
- Free foot massages for the ladies (by a cute professional masseur)
- A male beauty pageant, in which 8 contestants ranging from models to dancers to singers to boxers (!) compete in runway and talent rounds, as well as a “Mr. Cuddly” round in which they wear boxer briefs and tight t-shirts and attempt to prove that they are the cuddliest. Teddy bears may be involved.
You’re invited!
Pageant hosting by comedian Abbi Crutchfield. Pageant judging by sex writer Twanna Hines, dating author Virginia Vitzthum, blogger Nichelle Stephens, sex writer Audacia Ray, comedy festival founder Desiree Burch, dating author and columnist Judy McGuire and former Playgirl art director Corinne Rochelle.
Bios of the Man-Pageant contestants coming soon!
Directions here.
Open to all.
One friend responded to this party invitation with, “If I went to this I would be kicked out of the Marine Corps!” Aren’t you glad you’re not a Marine?
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I own every nerdy t-shirt on the internet
December 1, 2008
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