Santa Douchebags

December 14, 2009

On Saturday, I stepped onto the 1 at 23rd St. and was in a train car almost completely filled with people dressed as Santa.

This would’ve been fine, except that they were shouting Christmas and pop-rock songs at the top of their lungs. At one point, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer; more offensively, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Under the Bridge. Literally shouting, at an ear-splitting volume that defied the production of the different tones necessary for “music.” At least I’m only on here for two stops before I transfer to the 2/3, I thought.

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I transferred to the 2/3 at 14th. More Santas. Also singing. One lady Santa had no pants. I was wearing a winter coat and doing that two-pairs-of-tights-at-once thing that ladies sometimes do when it’s cold. You know how much alcohol you have to consume before your asscheeks are warm under these circumstances?

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The 2/3 stopped at Chambers Street at the same time as a 1 train, and more Santas got onto the 2/3, but then I wondered if somehow our 2/3 had moved exceptionally slowly and they were the same Santas I had previously been trapped with on the 1, because: the Santas again started singing Under the Bridge. Kinda ruined that song for me. I really liked it in the eighth grade.

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Even worse, all the Santas got out at my stop, apparently to drink on Stone St.

Turns out, this thing is an annual event, partly composed of a pub crawl. From my angle, it was entirely composed of douchebags. It was really just the shouting. I don’t actually mind the asscheeks, or the nightmares undoubtedly given to children who were already a little skeptical of the besuited man who will be breaking into their houses this Christmas.

Posted by jen | Filed Under Jen says 

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