Censustivity Training

March 18, 2010

You’ve got to alphabetize those races, bitches!

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So not okay, Census Bureau!

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Extreme Engineering Nerdery

March 9, 2010

Thanks to Eric Walton for bringing this Rube Goldberg musical experience to my attention.

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New Photos, by Eric Walton

February 16, 2010

The talented Mr. Walton got himself all up in my face, interrogation style.

Seeing these makes me wish I had a fourteen year old daughter so I could teach her how to get her eyebrows all sharp like that.

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The Juxtaposition of Two Flamingly Awesome Lady Gaga Interpretations

February 15, 2010

Here is figure skater Johnny Weir performing to “Poker Face,” followed by sign language performer Michael DiMartino performing “Love Game.” I just really thought these two things needed to be on the same page.

Incidentally, Weir has famously deflected questions about his sexuality, although he gives charmingly-cheeky quotes about it. (And here, just for kicks, is his famous interpretation of The Swan).

I don’t know anything about Mr. DiMartino’s personal life, but I do know that, in his recent rendition of Bad Romance, he blew my mind in an outfit I can only describe as a fishnet bra and neckerchief (there’s also a bathtub full of fake blood, and a part during which he wears nothing but tighty-whities, white body paint, and a skullcap). So, we’ll go with “flamingly awesome.”

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The Blog is Weird Right Now, But I Still Want to Help You Spell and Make You Laugh

February 6, 2010

Hey guys, you might have noticed that my main blog page is down right now (but obviously you did something right to end up at this post). My web designer is on vacation right now, but she’ll be back in a few days to take care of it, at which point I’ll delete this post and pretend none of this ever happened. In the meantime, here are some links that work just fine.

The Spelling Word of the Day

Monday Math Problems

All of February’s Posts

All of January’s Posts

While I’m posting about faulty technology, first of all, I’m annoyed that now that I’ve outgrown the iPhone 200-text-messages-a-month-for-$5 plan, the next option up is 1500 texts! To whom shall I send so many texts? Do people need Bengay* for their thumbs?

And finally: I have a new Graphire Bluetooth Wacom tablet, and I want to use it to draw on Powerpoint (or Keynote) presentations in front of a live audience. (I want to do this live, not make slides in Photoshop ahead of time and import them into Powerpoint). Does anyone know how to make this happen?

*In looking up the correct way to write the name of the topical analgesic “Bengay,” I discovered Cleveland Browns running back Ben Gay. Yay!

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More Math on the Internet: And You Thought YouTube Was Just For Watching a Dwarf Hamster Eat a Grape

February 2, 2010

You might have to wait six days for the next Monday Math Problem, but I’d like to direct you to my Chelsea Mind Games math bee co-host Soce the Elemental Wizard’s contributions to the internet math world:

Math Problems on Twitter

Math Problems on YouTube

(This is Soce’s question, not mine — so to submit an answer, click on the video to go to its YouTube page).

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No Drying if You Washed Out of the Launder Center (Also: Typo and Boobs)

January 19, 2010

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Why is it the case that every laundromat in the city posts some version of this sign?

Is it the case that the washers are sooo much more profitable than the dryers, such that the proprietors don’t want you only drying?

If people want to use the dryers so much, why not just raise the price on the dryers?

And who are these people dragging wet items washed elsewhere into the Launder Center? What are these items? What are they wet with?

Can anyone shed light on the topic of laundromat dryer economics?

(Obviously, from my non-winter-coat-wearing torso in the reflection, I took this photo some months ago).

Enjoy my last laundromat-related post here.

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Link to Posts from 2009

January 1, 2010

Remember Y2K, when we all thought computers might explode, ATMs wouldn’t work, and planes wouldn’t be able to land, all because a plethora of computer code had been written without accounting for the fact that, totally predictably, after 1999, the new year would begin with a 2?

Similarly, the version of Wordpress I’m using wasn’t aware that, just following the end of 2009, 2010 would begin. So, currently, you are on the magical new 2010 blog page. To read the many exciting posts from December and back into infinity (infinity = 2004):

GO HERE TO THE BLOG PAGE FOR 2009

If you have bookmarked my blog — which would be an honor! — you will want to update your bookmark to the 2010 page.

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GO TO THE BLOG PAGE FOR 2010

December 31, 2009

Remember Y2K, when we all thought computers might explode, ATMs wouldn’t work, and planes wouldn’t be able to land, all because a plethora of computer code had been written without accounting for the fact that, totally predictably, after 1999, the new year would begin with a 2?

Similarly, the version of Wordpress I’m using wasn’t aware that, just following the end of 2009,  2010 would begin.  So I have to manually send you now to the magical new 2010 blog page:

GO HERE TO THE BLOG PAGE FOR 2010

If you have bookmarked my blog — which would be an honor! — you will need to update your bookmark as well.

Thank you, and see you on the other side!  By which I mean a page on my site whose URL ends in “2010.”

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Santa Douchebags

December 14, 2009

On Saturday, I stepped onto the 1 at 23rd St. and was in a train car almost completely filled with people dressed as Santa.

This would’ve been fine, except that they were shouting Christmas and pop-rock songs at the top of their lungs. At one point, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer; more offensively, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Under the Bridge. Literally shouting, at an ear-splitting volume that defied the production of the different tones necessary for “music.” At least I’m only on here for two stops before I transfer to the 2/3, I thought.

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I transferred to the 2/3 at 14th. More Santas. Also singing. One lady Santa had no pants. I was wearing a winter coat and doing that two-pairs-of-tights-at-once thing that ladies sometimes do when it’s cold. You know how much alcohol you have to consume before your asscheeks are warm under these circumstances?

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The 2/3 stopped at Chambers Street at the same time as a 1 train, and more Santas got onto the 2/3, but then I wondered if somehow our 2/3 had moved exceptionally slowly and they were the same Santas I had previously been trapped with on the 1, because: the Santas again started singing Under the Bridge. Kinda ruined that song for me. I really liked it in the eighth grade.

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Even worse, all the Santas got out at my stop, apparently to drink on Stone St.

Turns out, this thing is an annual event, partly composed of a pub crawl. From my angle, it was entirely composed of douchebags. It was really just the shouting. I don’t actually mind the asscheeks, or the nightmares undoubtedly given to children who were already a little skeptical of the besuited man who will be breaking into their houses this Christmas.

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